Recipe for Peace

How often do you feel at perfect peace? I have to admit that too often I feel frazzled and troubled. This tendency recently became crystal clear. It also pointed to some bad lessons I'm teaching my children.

We are trying to sell our home. This process has been hugely impacted by a tree falling our on deck, a water main breaking in our bathroom, and--most recently--a determination that our septic system needs addressing. When the health inspector came to render his insights, the predictions left me worried and feeling we might never get the house sale-worthy. My mind certainly wasn't fixed on God, and worry replaced peace. 

In His grace, when I sat at my computer, God brought Isaiah 26:3 to my attention."You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you." As I read the verse, God convicted me of the source of my worry--failure to keep my mind on God; failure to trust Him for helping with this. Moreover, He impressed on me the lesson I was teaching my children--to focus on problems, not God.

I gathered the children and admitted my fault. "Kiddos, I blew it. I know God has a plan for our future, and He is already taking care of us in it. He will guide this septic issue and make a way for us to do what is right. As I think about how good God is to us and how perfectly He can provide, I know He will take care of this, too. I know I sounded pretty worried. But, I talked to God, and I'm not scared now. I'm sorry I didn't go first to God. I'm more sorry I set such a bad example for you. Can you pray with me for God's guidance? Then, we'll sit back and see how God helps us."

Not only did peace pervade me--it pervaded our family.

As home schoolers we have so much to worry about. Are we meeting everyone's needs? Are we setting a good example? Are we preparing our children in all the ways they need? 

We have a promise to calm us. If we stay our minds on God and trust Him, He will keep us in perfect peace. It really doesn't get any better than that.

Tess Worrell writes and speaks to groups regarding issues of family life and living as a Godly woman. She and husband, Mike Worrell, live in Madison, Indiana, where they are in their 14th year of home schooling. She would love to hear your insights. Comment here or email her at tess@YourFamilyMatterstous.com. If you would like Tess to speak to your home school or church group, you can learn more about her speaking at YourFamilyMatterstous.com.

How do I teach THIS?

High school daughter's foray into college applications has led us into uncharted territory--Pre-Calculus. As we dive into each day's lesson my mother's desire to give her child the best education possible rivals the continual refrain circling in my brain, "I'm not in high school any more--why do I have to do this?!" More to the point--can I do this? How do I teach something that is so complicated and so beyond my expertise?

Therein lies the constant challenge of home schooling--and the constant hope. Personally, I think our students out-perform students from other schooling approaches precisely because we are learning with them. Instead of being fed information by someone so familiar with the concepts they have become rote, our children get a front row seat to watch the processes their parent uses to take information they don't understand and find a way to understand.

My husband recently affirmed this observation. A multi-award winning professor, he said, "I'm not as good a professor as I used to be because the material is all so easy for me now. I was better when I struggled. I could understand my students' struggles. As they watched me figure something out, they learned how to as well."

So . . .for all of us facing the challenge of teaching what we don't understand, a few tips.

• Pray--out loud--for the Holy Spirit's help. What better opportunity to teach our children the daily habit of relying on the Holy Spirit for wisdom--both in spiritual matters and in the daily challenges we face?

• Be honest about the hardships you face. This normalizes hardship. Instead of believing that they are inherently inferior because school doesn't come easily, our children learn that people struggle. Get used to it--find a way through it. As you openly talk yourself through a math process or spend the time on the computer to track down sources for a research paper, our children gain insights on steps they can take. They see learning unfold.

• Break information down. People tend to feel overwhelmed when there is too much information or they are not sure what to do with the information they have. Take smaller chunks--work through those at the slower of the child's pace or yours. It doesn't really matter that the curriculum says that Lesson 58 should be done today. If child (or parent) needs more time--take it. We're going for actual learning--not check marks on a curriculum guide. When children (or parents) don't feel rushed, they can relax. That makes learning easier. I once had a child stuck on an Algebra concept for two months. Every day we worked the type problems that challenged. I couldn't understand what I was doing wrong or what to do better. Then, all of a sudden--it clicked. That child went on to ace the course. Patience paid off.
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• Seek help. God puts us in community for a reason--to share the gifts He gives to build up each other. We concretely show our children how to humbly seek out fellow believers in their strengths when they see us do so. At the same time, be ready to humbly come alongside others who benefit from our strengths. In this way we build the body of Christ in very practical ways.

• Celebrate the victories. When the light bulb goes on and a hard concept finally sinks in--celebrate. Break out ice cream. Use colorful stickers. Dance a little jig. Openly thank God for His help. The incentives from victories feed the spirit of perseverance for the next challenge.

As home schoolers we spend a lot of time teaching what we don't understand. Rather than our greatest weakness, I think this becomes our greatest strength as we visibly rely on God's help, demonstrate to our children how to persevere through a challenge, and celebrate all the ways God reveals His truth to us daily.

Tess Worrell writes and speaks to groups regarding issues of family life and living as a Godly woman. She and husband, Mike Worrell, live in Madison, Indiana, where they are in their 14th year of home schooling. She would love to hear your insights. Comment here or email her at tess@YourFamilyMatterstous.com. If you would like Tess to speak to your home school or church group, you can learn more about her speaking at YourFamilyMatterstous.com.

Resolutions for a Healthy Marriage

Home schooling families tend to be great goal setters. We set goals for our academics, for our children's spiritual growth, and for our co-ops. In all this we juggle so much. Home, school, church, extra curricular activities, work--sometimes in all this our marriages can get a little lost. As the new year dawns, we enjoy a great opportunity to put our goal-setting skills to work for the most important human relationship we have. If you'd like to set some goals for growing your marriage in the coming year, consider these:
Resolutions for a healthy marriage:

•  Resolve to learn spouse's love language and specifically say I love you in their love language at least once a day. What are "love languages"? Check out Gary Chapman's great book--The Five Love Languages. Whether you put a note in their lunch (words of affirmation) or fill the gas tank before they have an early morning start (acts of service)--you'll communicate your love in a way your spouse receives best. That builds spouse's sense of security in your love.

• Resolve to say only "that which builds others up." Find ways to express what your spouse does right, how they minister to you, and what you enjoy about them. As you focus on affirming all your spouse does for you, you build a foundation of security and joy for your marriage. At the same time, your conversations over the year will likely also include saying things that express concern, hurt, or anger about something spouse is doing. Even those thoughts should be expressed in a way to build spouse up, not tear them down. Make whatever divides you the enemy--not your spouse.

• Resolve to listen to whatever spouse says and take seriously--even if you disagree with the conclusions. Treat spouse's feelings, experiences, and desires as real, valuable, and important. 

• Resolve to spend one-on-one time with spouse doing something fun at least twice per month. Memories and connections created during fun times together help carry through hard times. Whether you picnic on the living room floor or splurge on a fun weekend get-away, invest your time, money, and focus on being with and enjoying your spouse.

• Resolve to pray diligently for your spouse every day. Great book for wives--The Power of a Praying Wife. Gives topical prayers as focus for praying for husbands. I don't know of equivalent for husbands, but do know that a wife senses when a husband prays for her. Prayer can bridge any gap by opening your relationship to the mighty working of God and His desire to build deep intimacy between you. Make this a priority, and you will see the work of God in your relationship.

May 2013 be a year when you are blessed in your marriage and the witness of your faithful, sacrificial love for each other witnesses to the greater love of Christ.
Tess Worrell writes and speaks to groups regarding issues of family life and living as a Godly woman. She and husband, Mike Worrell, live in Madison, Indiana, where they are in their 14th year of home schooling. She would love to hear your insights. Comment here or email her at tess@YourFamilyMatterstous.com. If you would like Tess to speak to your home school or church group, you can learn more about her speaking at YourFamilyMatterstous.com.

Fall Breaks

To break or not to break, that is the question.

While not as resonating as Shakespeare's version, many home schooling families wonder whether a fall break messes with the just-established schedule or offers a needed respite. I have to admit--I tend to fall into the camp of "we school from Labor Day to Memorial Day."  We break for Thanksgiving and 3 weeks at Christmas (mostly because I could never get everything done otherwise). Otherwise, we stick to the books. We do this because our farm requires a lot of work in the spring and we love summer. To protect those days, I stick to a strict schedule during the school year. But, I'm learning there are benefits to a few days off as we go.

Breaks remind us, "We're still a family." I don't know about others, but--especially as our children get older--between church and kid activities, evenings become full and fragmented. Thus, we're together primarily during school. While we love schooling together, the school focus means we're "down to business" during the day. With people headed to activities at night, we lose the time to just "be" as a family. Breaks recapture these moments. Whether we hunker down at home to a backyard bonfire and nights of Scrabble or take a short camping trip that gets us hiking together, taking three days away can bring some much-needed together-fun .

Breaks provide rest. How many families find a perfect pace? No matter how closely we guard white space for our families, it seems most of us feel stretched. God knows we need regular rest times. He planned Sabbaths and Jubilee years to institutionalize rest. Rather than stealing precious lesson time, a fall break can actually recharge everyone to take full advantage of the enrichment of school rather than it feeling like drudgery.

Breaks provide a different education. Just the other day we went to Angel Mounds in Evansville. We learned the richness of our state's history through the small museum and touring the mounds. More, I was surprised by how uncomfortable my youngest children were by the statues of Native Americans. Instead of engaging, they were scared. Troubling for me as I'm part Cherokee. We took the older children to pow-wows with my grandparents when the children were younger, but with grandparents passing--younger children haven't experienced this side of life.

Though we talk often in our history lessons about the importance of valuing everyone as made in the image of God and accepting them, the trip to the Mounds provided a concrete setting to put those lessons into practice. When we break from the routine of school and explore something else--a hike in the woods, a trip to a museum, a visit downtown--we open our children to new experiences and we discover gaps in our children's ability to apply the values we teach. Filling those gaps may be the most important education we do.

Stoic educator that I am, I'm learning the value of breaks. Rather than a distraction to school--they may prove to be the perfect complement. Who knows--we might actually take a spring break this year!

Tess Worrell writes and speaks to groups regarding issues of family life and living as a Godly woman. She and husband, Mike Worrell, live in Madison, Indiana, where they are in their 14th year of home schooling. She would love to hear your insights. Comment here or email her at tess@YourFamilyMatterstous.com. If you would like Tess to speak to your home school or church group, you can learn more about her speaking at YourFamilyMatterstous.com. #parenting #homeschooling

Careful Listening

"Therefore consider carefully how you listen. Whoever has will be given more; whoever does not have, even what he thinks he has will be taken from him. ( Or, in NLT) To those who listen to my teaching, more understanding will be given. But for those who are not listening, even what they think they understand will be taken from them. "  Luke 8:18

As I was reading my Bible the other night this verse jumped out at me. It has stayed with me for days. Do I listen carefully to God?

I know my heart is to follow God. I truly want my children to know God, to follow God, to become Godly. But, my children are learning, by watching me, how to go through their daily moments. Do they see me pause to listen to God, or do they see me merely acting on what I think I know?

Sometimes I get so very busy. You know what it's like--the books, the laundry, the meals, the tests. With three children asking for attention at the same time, the others ready to jump in, and the phone ringing--sometimes I find it hard to think about anything that's not right in front of me. The quiet voice of God gets lost. He's speaking--but am I listening?

Other times, I don't even have the excuse of busyness. I'm just so focused on telling God all about what I'm feeling or asking Him to give me what I need, that I fail to sit and listen.

I think I know what God wants from me as a wife. I think I know how to guide my children toward behaviors that honor God and away from those that cut them off from relationship with Him. I think I know what we need to cover in school.  But, God's word says that if I stop listening carefully to Him, even what I think I know will be taken from me.

I need to carefully listen. Because knowing if I'm listening well can be a little harder with God, I can practice on the people in my life--especially my family. Do I listen carefully to my husband? my children? my friends? my pastor? Do our interactions show I'm taking the time to listen carefully and respond well? If I develop this habit with the concrete people in front of me, I'm much more likely to engage with the invisible God in a listening mode.

I want, I need, God to fill me with His wisdom and guidance in this wifing/mothering/home schooling life. Jesus warns, "Then, you must consider carefully how you listen."

Tess Worrell writes and speaks to groups regarding issues of family life and living as a Godly woman. She and husband, Mike Worrell, live in Madison, Indiana, where they are in their 14th year of home schooling. She would love to hear your insights. Comment here or email her at tess@YourFamilyMatterstous.com. If you would like Tess to speak to your home school or church group, you can learn more about her speaking at YourFamilyMatterstous.com.

"A kindhearted woman gains respect." Prov.11:16a

How many moms long for their children to respect them? I know I do. 

Respect conveys a starting assumption that the other person is valued--worthy of listening to and regarding well. I've seen other moms strive for respect, long for respect, and even demand respect. Yet, how often do we see kindness as a  key component of gaining what we so desire? When I came across this verse recently, I was struck by the simple prescription. And how often I may miss it.

In my desire to train up my children well, I too often confuse respect with agreement. When disagreement comes, I can easily fall into a tug of war with my children and lose sight of being kind in the effort to demonstrate I am right. In the busyness of life, I too often focus on getting people where they need to be or accomplishing an endless to-do list and lose sight of being kind in the effort to be on time. In trying to impose order on a house that seemingly insists on falling into disarray no matter how much I work, I can begin to order my children like servants and lose sight of being kind in the effort to be done.

To be sure, respect contains many other components. Yet, I as I engage in discussions, steer my family to destinations, or ask for help with chores I am struck anew by the need to focus on letting the fruit of the Spirit guide my everyday interactions--in particular the fruit of kindness. In so doing, I may gain the very respect that becomes the foundation of all the mothering God calls me to do.

Tess Worrell writes and speaks to groups regarding issues of family life and living as a Godly woman. She and husband, Mike Worrell, live in Madison, Indiana, where they are in their 14th year of home schooling. She would love to hear your insights. Comment here or email her at tess@YourFamilyMatterstous.com. If you would like Tess to speak to your home school or church group, you can learn more about her speaking at YourFamilyMatterstous.com.

Classroom Management--Home School Style

Touring a bookstore last week, I spied a book no teacher can resist: Basics of Classroom Management. While I didn’t find many tips in a book that focused on strategies for managing large groups of children in an institutional setting, I began thinking, “Are there basic strategies for managing our home learning?” My picks.

Set a basic routine—complete with start and stop times.  Our family seems to get more out of school when we set actual school hours. We make the start time fit our family’s style and priorities Because we have both morning chores and children who tend more toward night owl than early bird, we start at 9:00. I know some families who start earlier--others who have a different start time based on the day. Yet, the families who set a routine seem better focused on schooling.

Just as important—have a stop time. In our early years, Mike would come home at 6:00 to find us still plugging away because “I haven’t finished the list for today.” Seeing the exhaustion in all our faces, he finally put his foot down. Gently. “Honey, the teachers at school have to stop at 3:15, even if they haven’t finished their lists, because the school buses come to take the kids away. Be done at 3:00. It will be OK.”  Sure enough, he was right. While all of life is learning, school seems to work best on fixed hours.

Ensure lap-time equity. While many public school teachers have the dilemma of knowing where to place all the chairs, home schooling parents must strategically plan lap time. Whether it’s mastering reading skills or math strategies, somehow it comes easier in a lap. Each child must have equal access. Though teens probably won’t beg for the spot—ensuring one-on-one time for them to have full attention and close physical proximity seems just as important as for the toddlers.

Reserve time for hands-on activities every day. People remember far more what they do than what they hear about.  When I’m in my “complete the list” mode, I often choose to read the book rather than do the experiment. My classroom management manual encourages me to flip this strategy. In planning classes for this year I need to remember to force myself to do the experiment or make the puppet—even if I must skim the reading. While we may not get every detail, we’ll all remember what we’ve done, and we’ll actually learn more from the lesson.

Added benefit—doing the experiments indelibly teaches children the limits of science. Science is the leading rival for worship in our culture. Experiments read from a book always sound so precise, and they always work. When actually doing them, we learn that the experiments don’t always work. They aren’t as precise as they might seem. A consistent exposure to these lessons enables our children to develop both respect for science and awareness of its limits.

Get outside. Home schooling families are frequently, and sometimes appropriately, accused of being too insulated. It’s an easy pattern to develop. With so much on our plates—school, house, chores, church activities—we can be so focused on just getting done with our foci that we lose track of others. The act of stepping out the front door reminds us we are part of a larger world. A larger world that needs our attention. A larger world that should be the object of all the discipleship we are building into our children. Purpose to get outside. Just gazing on neighbors' doors can cause us to pray for them, greet them in the yard, and ask how they are doing. As country dwellers, just outside our family's doors are farm fields and woods. Stepping outside reminds us of the beauty of God’s creation and our responsibility to tend it well. Classroom management that gets us all beyond the classroom helps us apply what we’re learning to the world that needs our perspectives and care.

Though still relishing a summer break, in the back of my mind I'm already planning next year. With a little focus on managing our classroom, I pray God makes this the best year yet. What strategies work for you?

Tess Worrell writes and speaks to groups regarding issues of family life and living as a Godly woman. She and husband, Mike Worrell, live in Madison, Indiana, where they are in their 14th year of home schooling. She would love to hear your insights. Comment here or email her at tess@YourFamilyMatterstous.com. If you would like Tess to speak to your home school or church group, you can learn more about her speaking at YourFamilyMatterstous.com.

Addressing Attitude with Grace

Which would you rather face—the child who openly defies or the child who behaves compliantly but the attitude just isn’t right?

I have to admit--there are times I prefer the compliant child. I get the behavior I expect, and I can so easily overlook the underlying issues. To be more blunt—the underlying sin. When life is crazy busy with more on my plate than I can ever hope to accomplish, the subtle sins get pushed to the back burner with the hope they will just go away.

But, our Lord tells us they don’t. He tells us the heart controls everything. The evil we do comes from the heart. Matthew 15:19. The cure is loving God with all our heart. Matthew 22:37. So when my child obeys but the heart isn’t in it, I need to address this behavior head-on.

Step 1: Seek to understand. As hard as it can be to admit, sometimes I read my children wrongly. Sometimes I interpret attitude as rebellion when it’s only confusion. If I sense my child’s compliance being less than whole-hearted, I first ask, “What’s going on?” as patiently and gently as I can. This opens the door for my child to ask questions or seek further instruction that might be needed.

Sometimes, rather than confusion, my child’s underlying attitude stems from resentment—not of the chore, but of me. When I’ve tagged the same child for dozens of chores while siblings have been left to their own activities, when I’ve expected more than I should, or when I’ve failed to show the appreciation their past efforts deserved—I’ve created the situation where child’s reaction, justifiably, can be “Again?!”

When I seek first to understand, I gain the information needed to deal with the situation as it is rather than as I assume it is. Looking first to the planks in my own eye before addressing the attitude in my child.

Step 2: Address attitude for the harbinger of heart that it is. If child’s heart truly rebels against obedience, this attitude should be addressed even if child fulfills the request. Our conversation focuses on how the bad attitude reveals a wrong relationship toward me in their heart. Questions usually work best.

“Honey, you’re saying you ‘just don’t feel like taking out the trash.’ How do you think it makes me feel when you flash a look of resentment and sigh heavily when I ask you to help me? How would God feel if you behaved that way when He asked you to do something? More importantly than how this feels to God or me--is what you are doing right?” The purpose of the questions is to get child’s thinking off themselves and onto the expectations of God—measuring their conduct and heart by His measure. A wonderful resource for guiding this process—Parenting with Scripture by Kara Durbin. The book offers a topical guide for addressing attitudes by scripture.

Disobedience comes in all forms—behavior and attitude. All reflect our child’s heart, so all need to be made right with Him. When we focus on the heart, however it’s revealed, we enter a discipling relationship that yields God’s fruit.

Tess Worrell writes and speaks to groups regarding issues of family life and living as a Godly woman. She and husband, Mike Worrell, live in Madison, Indiana, where they are in their 14th year of home schooling. She would love to hear your insights. Comment here or email her at tess@YourFamilyMatterstous.com. If you would like Tess to speak to your home school or church group, you can learn more about her speaking at YourFamilyMatterstous.com.

A Disturbing Trend

"I just wanted to say good-bye," said a mom standing on our front porch with her daughter--a young lady I had watched in our co-op since she was a little girl. "We won't be home schooling next year. I wanted to see you in case we don't run into each other."

Her face revealed how difficult the decision had been. Her husband was out of work. Her perfect part-time job was being eliminated. She needed to find full-time work, so daughter would be going to school.

As I gave her a hug, I wondered, "Another one?"

The issue hits home for our family. With a now-disabled husband, our income cut 40%--I'm not sure how long we can keep going. The issue of "will I be able to home school?" has loomed large and consistently in our struggles. We have cut our lifestyle and I've sought more speaking bookings just so I can keep the home school going. But, it's tough. As I've seen families all around us handle their economic crises by mom returning to work and the kids to school, I've wondered, "Is that us?"


How can the home schooling community counter this growing trend?

A few questions might help.

Is each home schooling family living in a financially responsible way? Do we have savings? Are we cutting debt? IS each of us working so that we can share with those in need? Eph. 4:28. The financial strain on most home schooling families is  huge--most of us already live on one income. Before crisis,I felt we were doing a great job if we could buy school books on our limited budget. I didn't see how we could plan for more savings. But, on the other side of crisis, I would urge families to try. My husband's commitment to no debt freed us greatly to keep home schooling.

Is the home schooling community living in a financially responsible way? Do we hire other home schoolers? Do we buy products from home schooling entrepreneurs to keep their income going? Are we ready to financially help struggling families? Our family school has survived precisely because people have helped--mostly home schoolers and our church. People have taken seriously God's command to reach out in support which has allowed me, stepping out in faith, to plan for another year. How many don't have that support?

We have wonderful people working on the governmental side to guard against the legal attacks on home schooling. Our home schooling communities have developed superb response mechanisms to these.

But, Satan isn't stupid. He's flanking us. Economic hardships have become a huge opportunity for him to take out families. Has our community recognized this threat? Are we developing responses to this attack? The legislative efforts won't mean much if families simply quit because they can't hang in there financially.

The good news? God knows the struggle and has a plan for it. If home schooling is God's will, He will provide for it. Perhaps, as wonderful an opportunity as this is for Satan to defeat us, it's an even greater opportunity for God to pull us together. Perhaps God is strengthening the community through causing us to care for each other in tangible ways that not only build us but witness to His love for the world in a way that draws others into His family.

I don't know all the answers, but I would plead with home schoolers to find them. Let's not ignore the threat. Let's not miss the opportunity.  Let's reverse the trend.


Tess Worrell writes and speaks to groups regarding issues of family life and living as a Godly woman. She and husband, Mike Worrell, live in Madison, Indiana, where they are in their 14th year of home schooling. She would love to hear your insights. Comment here or email her at tess@YourFamilyMatterstous.com. If you would like Tess to speak to your home school or church group, you can learn more about her speaking at YourFamilyMatterstous.com.

Become a Dream Builder

Are you a dream killer or a dream builder?

Parents tend to fall into one of the two categories. Dream killers listen to their child's dream, then point out every obstacle, every reason the dream will fail. Dream builders listen to their child's dream, then find ways to nurture the dream and help their child succeed. Challenge for the summer--help your child build one dream.

Alan Scott offers a prime example of a dream-building dad. His son, Hunter, chose a near-impossible dream. As a history project for school, Hunter interviewed a sailor who survived the sinking of the U.S.S. Indianapolis. Becoming enthralled with the stories of heroism and courage he heard, Hunter was devastated to learn the Captain of the ship, Charles McVay III, had been court-martialed to cover for a variety of military mistakes. Hunter determined to use his history project to overturn the verdict and restore Captain McVay's good name.

Mr. Scott could have pointed out that the court martial occurred 41 years before, that Hunter's  eleven years of experience were no match for the United States Navy, that McVay's death rendered clearing his name irrelevant. Instead, Mr. Scott chose to be a dream builder.

He drove Hunter to interviews and libraries for his  research, comforted Hunter when his project was disqualified on a minor technicality from the national competition that would have brought attention to the issue, and supported Hunter at every stage of preparing and presenting his research.

The result? Captain McVay's name now stands clear of any wrongdoing.

God has designed each of our children for a unique purpose--placing in them a passion to pursue this purpose. As home schooling parents, we have amazing opportunities to nurture the dream God has placed in our children's souls. How do we do this?

Listen. When we intentionally listen to our children, their dreams come through. Rather than immediately focusing on the obstacles, simply listen to what they want to do and why. Seek to understand their motives. Ask what they hope to accomplish. Not every dream will be as philanthropic as Hunter's, but they still reflect the passions of our child's design. 

One summer our eleven-year-old-son asked to make a back-yard movie with friends. Certainly this dream doesn't compare to the selfless sacrifice of Hunter on behalf of another, but son was passionate about trying. We listened. Today, that son has made documentaries all over the world. The direction for his life now began with a young dream.

Equip children to pursue their dream. Help them focus the dream and break the process for pursuing into manageable steps. Rather than taking over and doing for our children, help children discern how they can put muscle and energy into their dream. This serves double duty--the process trains our children in the hard work of following God's direction and helps them know if they are pursuing a true dream or a passing fancy.

Some aspects we will have to do. Hunter couldn't drive, so dad had to. But, Hunter set up the interviews, read the notes, wrote the paper, created the display. For our son, we bought the food, supplied the camera, and set up tents in the backyard for friends to sleep over the week of filming. But, son wrote the script, planned the filming schedule, directed the players, and edited the hours of film into a final story.

Finding the balance between equipping and taking over challenges most parents. Being a dream builder doesn't come naturally--we're often too pragmatic, too concerned with protecting our children from failure, too worried that our child's missteps will reflect poorly on us. But, investing in our children's dreams is worth it. When we listen to the passions of our child's heart and spend our time and resources to encourage the exploration of those, we communicate in a myriad of ways, "You matter."

So, over the course of the next few weeks, listen to the desires of your children, then ask them which of these desires they would like to achieve before school starts--or at least begin pursuing. What better investment of summer? Build on the passion God has placed in you child; connect with your child at his deepest heart level; become a dream builder.


Tess Worrell writes and speaks to groups regarding issues of family life and living as a Godly woman. She and husband, Mike Worrell, live in Madison, Indiana, where they are in their 14th year of home schooling. She would love to hear your insights. Comment here or email her at tess@YourFamilyMatterstous.com. If you would like Tess to speak to your home school or church group, you can learn more about her speaking at YourFamilyMatterstous.com.

When Stepping Out in Faith Doesn't "Work"

"I thought if I was doing God's will, everything would work out," a young woman said as she related a health crisis her family faced. Though she had done everything "right," the prospects looked grim. More than the fear of what might happen physically, she struggled with a sense of betrayal by God. "I'm following God. Why isn't this working out?"

How often does this describe us? We step out in faith, but do we step out to follow God's plan--or to get our own?

We began home schooling because our son had extreme sensory integration disorder, a condition in the autism spectrum. It took a lot for God to convince me His answer to son's struggles in school was for us to home school, but once He did I fully embraced the call.

The first week was heaven. Surely, this home schooling thing was the answer to our prayers--our son's life would now go smoothly.

Then, we got to the second week.

By month three I was a mess. All too often, I cried out loud, "I thought if I was doing God's will everything would work!" The same problems that challenged our son were still part of him. Home schooling wasn't a panacea removing all obstacles. It was the process God used to work through the obstacles.

I think it works the same with faith. Stepping out in faith to follow God's will isn't some magic ritual we use to get what we need from God. Following God's will, at its heart, means we put our agendas aside to serve His agenda. His agenda for Elijah was to sit by a creek for months with only ravens for company. His agenda for Daniel was to spend an entire life in a foreign country serving pagan kings. His agenda for Paul included beatings, ship wrecks, imprisonment, and martyrdom.

I can imagine each saying, "God, I'm doing Your will--why isn't this working?" Yet, what would our faith be if Elijah went home to a feast, if Nebuchadnezzar sent Daniel home to his family and he never met Darius or faced lions, or if Paul had an easy road for evangelism?

So often I've interpreted that straight path of Proverbs 3:6 to mean "everything will go well for me." While God's blessings flow through every day, I think this interpretation sets us up for disappointment when everything doesn't go well. We feel betrayed.

Reading accounts of the faithful from scripture convinces me  that God isn't necessarily promising that it will--at least in this life. So often, our struggles and how we walk with God in them is the witness we offer for others. So often it's the process God uses to heat up our lives and boil the underlying sin to the surface so He can remove it. So often those struggles bring us to a place we never desired but which becomes a destiny so much better than the one we sought.

I pray that for all those feeling betrayed because they stepped out in faith and "it's not working." I pray that you will find the road may not be as smooth as you anticipated, but that God is with you and is using you for His perfect plan.



Tess Worrell writes and speaks to groups regarding issues of family life and living as a Godly woman. She and husband, Mike Worrell, live in Madison, Indiana, where they are in their 14th year of home schooling. She would love to hear your insights. Comment here or email her at tess@YourFamilyMatterstous.com. If you would like Tess to speak to your home school or church group, you can learn more about her speaking at YourFamilyMatterstous.com.

Sanity Saver: The Reading Hour

Do you ever get a little overwhelmed by your children?

They aren't doing anything wrong--they are just busy. Very, very busy. I know, for me, there are moments the constant barrage of questions, requests, and chatter overload my mind--especially if it's already preoccupied by laundry, bills, and phone calls.

One day a seasoned mom shared one her best tips. The afternoon reading hour. Every afternoon everyone in her house took an hour to simply be still. Obviously, younger children used this as nap-time, but older children had to go to their rooms as well. They could read, draw, or rest. The only caveat was that they had to be in their room for one hour.

I remember thinking as she shared her secret, "We used to do this--why did I stop when we started home schooling?" She and I had the conversation just as summer break began, so it coincided perfectly with setting our pattern for the break. One night I asked the children their goals for summer so that we could create a schedule for accomplishing those. I then shared that we would also begin the habit of a one-hour reading time during the summer.

To my surprise--no one balked. By the end of the summer, the kids said that was one of their favorite parts of summer. Younger children benefited from extra rest during the day as our evenings chasing lightening bugs or picnicking stretched beyond bedtime. Older children loved a designated reading time where they could relax and read and also a little break from younger siblings. The time for my brain to rest paid huge dividends once reading hour concluded and the questions, requests, and chatter resumed.

Sanity-saver: institute a quiet hour for your family. The mid-day break keeps parents from being overwhelmed by the busyness of children and able to engage instead.

Passages

Our son graduated college today. At the last moment, he was informed he would graduate cum laud.

Amazing. My son who you couldn't pay to read. Who doodled his way through math. Who just wanted to go film movies in the backyard.

Admitted to one of the best colleges in Indiana, he pursued a Communications major which allowed him to go film movies in the backyard of Hanover College. Then, of London, England. Then, of Athens, Greece.

The admiration of my son as he walked across the platform to receive his diploma is impossible to describe. Added was the sense of utter relief. I hadn't ruined all chances of future success by home schooling him. I hadn't ruined all chances of future success by failing to meet every element of our curriculum. I hadn't ruined all chances of success by being a very imperfect mom and often not reacting as I should.

God is so incredibly faithful. I got up every morning and simply said, "God, please be our teacher today. Please guide and direct us. Show me how you are forming these children and guide to be your tool." Every day God put into place the elements of His plan for each child--Braden included.

God showed us Braden's amazing ability for making movies. God then provided a cheap camera and a bevy of friends and sibling willing to be directed. God provided a backyard perfect for bringing Braden's stories to life. God wrote His plan into Braden's life--guiding every step.

God promises to do that for each of us. We don't need to know the whole plan for schooling. We serve a God who knows the plan. We serve a God who simply asks that we faithfully show up each day ready to be guided by Him. Then, He works in our children to bring their passions and skills to fruition.

As I look at my first grader, I am so relieved. Because there are days you can't pay her to read. She doodles her way through math. She just wants to play with her stuffed animals on the front porch. Yet, I know God is kindling in her the passion for the call He has placed in her heart. Trusting God, I can look forward to the future He is writing for her.

Avoiding Exhausted Mama Syndrome

"Work with your family--not for your family."

"Mommy, can I help?" my daughter asked as I planted flowers in our front beds. Tree roots, black plastic laid by a prior owner, and countless rocks made the digging near impossible. With our house going on the market, I needed the flowers to look as attractive as possible--an already challenging goal. Could my daughter help?

Then, I remembered the advice an Amish friend gave me years ago, "Work with your family--not for your family."  She had a solid philosophy that if mom was still working, the rest of the family should still be working. She considered kids playing in the living room while mom did dishes unacceptable. She taught the younger moms in her sphere to constantly include children in whatever work they were doing.

She noted, "Young children want to help. They beg to help. We turn them away because we think it's easier to just do it ourselves. But, by the time they are old enough to truly help--they've had years of practice in playing while mom works. They come to believe they are entitled to play while mom works. Even mom falls into this habit. Then, mom grows exhausted and resentful. Instead, include children. No matter how little the job--while you work, let them work."

Her advice has proven invaluable. I admit to times where we have worked hard for hours planting a garden or organizing the garage--and I release the children to go play while I finish the task. Further, I don't expect my two-year-old to work as long and hard as I do. But, generally if there are house chores to be done, the whole family works together until they are done.

Keys:

• Make jobs age appropriate. I don't expect my toddler to hoe the garden. I do have her put folded laundry in the basket. 
• Give frequent breaks. After a good push, I bring out Kool-Aid and grapes for a snack. I let the children ride a lap on their bikes. I have them go do a break-job--one that's fun, such as spraying the plants with the hose which inevitably turns into spraying each other and cooling off. 
• Reward. Especially after a long day, I break out a tub of ice cream and toppings for a special treat. Even just in daily chores, when children finish, I make sure to inspect their work because the attention tells them their efforts are important. I thank them for helping and praise their efforts. That connection keeps the kids encouraged.
• Work together. With rare exceptions, we all pitch in on a task. We clean up the dinner table, do the yard work, straighten the house--all together. While 2 people may head to work on the living room while 2 others tackle the school room, we work in teams. This prevents chores feeling like solitary confinement and more like team work.

Benefits?

• I never feel like I'm alone--working myself to death, resentful of others. Instead, I feel part of a great team who helps each other. 
• I have some of the best conversations with children while we weed a garden patch or straighten the garage. Something about busy hands opens hearts and mouths.
• Our children have a great work ethic--if someone gets up to do something, they jump up to help. We've normalized helpfulness just by including them from the very beginning in every job

It's not a perfect system to be sure. The holes my daughter dug had to be redone by me. I had to keep reminding her not to step on the already planted flowers as she moved to plant the next. I had to take deep breaths every time she tried to pull a flower out of the seed pot praying she wouldn't tear the plant. I would have planted the flowers far faster without her help.

But, as we stood back at the end of the job--her face broke into a grin as she gleefully exclaimed, "Oh, mommy, look how beautiful!" She got to be part of that. We got to be a team. Plus, she learned a little about planting flowers. Those little lessons pay huge dividends down the road. The next day my older daughter took the remaining flowers and planted them in another bed while I mowed the lawn. I could trust her to do the job well because she has been planting flowers with me all her life.

If you want to avoid "exhausted Mama syndrome"--work with your family, not for your family.

Tess Worrell writes and speaks to groups regarding issues of family life and living as a Godly woman. She and husband, Mike Worrell, live in Madison, Indiana, where they are in their 14th year of home schooling. She would love to hear your insights. Comment here or email her at tess@YourFamilyMatterstous.com. If you would like Tess to speak to your home school or church group, learn more about her speaking at YourFamilyMatterstous.com.

Power Words for Parents--On a Mission

I love words. Words that inspire. Words that convict. Words that encourage. I especially love words that get my children to do what I ask.

In reading a blog post from the National Center for Biblical Parenting (NCBP), I found such a phrase. "On a mission." Scott Turansky, co-founder of NCBP, encourages parents to frame instructions to children, "You are on a mission to ________," fill in the gap with instruction.

I have to admit that when I first read this, I thought it was kind of cheesy. I envisioned our children giving a funny look and asking, "Seriously, Mom?"

Then, one night I instructed our two youngest to head to bed. Five minutes later they were still handing out kisses, looking for stuffed animals, and locating books. Without even thinking I said, "Guys--you're on a mission to get to bed." They bounded up the steps and were quietly tucking in before I could blink.

It worked? It worked!

It continues to work. I have added a bit of explanation. "Kiddos--when Daddy or I give you instruction, you already know it's your job to obey. By obeying us, you practice obeying God. I want you to think of each instruction as a mission. Your job--complete your mission with focus, purpose, and honor."

Going to bed, emptying the dishwasher, feeding the sheep take on a whole new meaning as the children consider their daily chores practice for the bigger missions God will send. Most of all, I love how this phrase shapes their hearts toward enthusiastic obedience.

"On a mission." Words to inspire; words to convict; words to encourage. May we all be "on a mission" to obey.

The Finish Line

Though schedules vary, many home schoolers close the school year in May. For some, May becomes a light at the end of the long tunnel. For others, it looms as the blinding flash of a freight train hurtling toward them. However we see it--May is a finish line. How will we run the end of the race?

Because Mike's stroke has impacted every level of life, this hasn't been a stellar school year for the Worrell school. Appointments, hospitalizations, long family conversations about how life has changed have all robbed time for school.

We are not alone. Many families cope with a variety of life situations which means the math page or the history test simply doesn't get completed. The mounting pile of undone can create the freight train image.

Some throw in the towel and check out other options for next year. Though home schooling is one of the fastest growing education modes in the United States, it also claims one of the highest drop-out rates. Overwhelmed families simply find another school when May looks too daunting.

There's another way to see May. There's another way to finish.

See all of life as an education--not just the books. Our family has missed far too many assignments this year. I know that. At the same time, my children have partaken of ample practice to work together to make meals while I've traveled with Mike. With fewer hands available for more work, older children taught younger children--not only math and science--but how to manage the trash chores, empty the dishwasher, and feed the chickens. They've learned to make acquaintances with strangers in a variety of hospital settings. They've learned to talk through anger, disappointment, and grief. They've learned what it means to pray and then experience that void of delay while waiting on God to answer.

The difficulty I have coming up with each step to a Geometric proof reminds me that Geometric proofs don't typically enter the flow of daily life.

But, our children will cook. They will face moments where there is more work than time. They will build relationships. They will experience grief. They will wait on God. Our children have spent the last year learning how to do each of these. That's education, too. Perhaps the education God knew they needed most.

As you face May, don't dwell on all you didn't get done. Look at--make a list of--all God has taught your family this year. Have a year end celebration of these facets of your school. That tradition alone can transition May from a freight train to a light at the end of a tunnel.

Set your goals. "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Phil. 3:14-15. What does God want you to complete? Forget all the undone that is behind and press on toward that.

I realized that we could not finish everything by May. And we have obligations that mean school past May won't work. So, what does God want us to do?

For the first time in 14 years, we won't finish our science. I determined that Dr. Wile is such an incredible teacher that 14 modules of Chemistry is enough for any high schooler. By closing our science year, I made room for the high schoolers to concentrate on likewise finishing well in history and writing--two subjects that received less time and attention throughout the year. Given God has given them a passion to be writers--that seems God's goal. I've set a time-table to meet that goal well.

Where does He want your attention? Set specific goals and then create steps to get there. Just having a plan turns dread to a sense of control. Further, we refocus everyone on the point that we are engaging in this whole home schooling endeavor--not to just check subjects off a chart--but to follow God's call in Christ Jesus. Our home schooling becomes the laboratory where children learn to listen to God in a specific time and place and press on toward the goal He sets.

Despite all appearances, take heart--the end of the year is not a freight train. If you choose to press on and finish well, the end of the year becomes a celebration of all God has done in your family this year. The light at the end of the tunnel burns bright. Waiting there, carrying you there, is your Lord.

Tess Worrell writes and speaks to groups regarding issues of family life and living as a Godly woman. She and husband, Mike Worrell, live in Madison, Indiana, where they are in their 14th year of home schooling. She would love to hear your insights. Comment here or email her at tess@YourFamilyMatterstous.com. If you are interested in bringing Tess to your home school or church group, learn more about her speaking at YourFamilyMatterstous.com.

Why Doesn't My Discipline Work?!

What frustrates you most as a parent?

For me--disciplining the same behavior over. . .and over. . .and over. I often find myself saying, "Are we here again?!"

Why can't my children simply learn the lesson? Why can't they just do what I say? They know this misbehavior gets them in trouble.

They also know it hurts--their friends, their siblings, and me. Why are they so willing to keep doing something that causes such harm?

I have a feeling God asks the same questions when it comes to me.

Why am I so willing to keep doing the very actions God has already convicted my heart of being hurtful and wrong? Why do I keep growing anxious when a bill comes instead of trusting God's provision? Why do I keep pulling back from a person who hurt me instead of fully forgiving and embracing? Why do I keep thinking controlling others through anger will get me what I want instead of bathing them in love? I see God's frustration reflected in mine.

As I pray for discernment, God whispers part of the answer. "Dear one, your children are made in my image. Made to reflect me. All My attributes are part of their make-up. Their ability to reason reflects My omniscience. Their compassion reflects My love. Their innate sense of right and wrong reflects My righteousness. All of these have been perverted through sin, but my attributes are in your children. Waiting to be redeemed.

My immutability is there as well. I never change. Thus, change comes slowly in My children. Though I work in your life and your children's lives to tease out the sin and reform you fully into My image--this aspect of My character in you makes the job harder."

Wow. What a challenge. And what hope. Even in our ongoing disobedience, we find our identity in God. God works to redeem everything that has been perverted by sin and restore it to His fullness and glory. Thus, God will change my sinful patterns that seem to last so long into patterns of obedience that will last.

He works the same in my children.

Discipline does work--it just takes time. Through our discipline, God restores the attributes of Himself placed in our children at their creation back to a proper reflection of Himself. God's perverted immutability in our children makes disciplining harder, more long-term. Yet, His immutability in them redeemed leads to faithfulness, to perseverance, to steadfastness--to patterns of obedience that last.

Tess Worrell writes and speaks to groups regarding issues of family life and living as a Godly woman. She and husband, Mike Worrell, live in Madison, Indiana, where they are in their 14th year of home schooling. She would love to hear your insights. Comment here or email her at tess@YourFamilyMatterstous.com. If you are interested in bringing Tess to your home school or church group, learn more about her speaking at YourFamilyMatterstous.com.

Taking Jesus' Crown

"They put a purple robe on Him and twisted together a crown of thorns and set it on Him. And they began to call out, to Him 'Hail, King of the Jews!' Again and again they struck Him on the head with a staff and spit on Him. Falling on their knees, they paid homage to Him. And when they had mocked Him they took off the purple robe and put His own clothes on Him."

Mark 15:17-20

Every Lent our family uses Resurrection Eggs by Family Life Today to bring the Easter story to life in concrete terms. The eggs contain symbols of Easter. We read a passage of scripture pertaining to that symbol ending with a lesson we should take away. Whenever we get to the egg with the crown of thorns, we explore the cruelty of the soldiers toward a man they didn't know and who had done nothing to them. The lesson we take away: "If we love Jesus, we cannot hurt others."

What an ideal. If we love Jesus, we cannot hurt others.

If we love Jesus, we cannot race to get to the check-out line before the lady with the bulging grocery cart. If we love Jesus, we can't answer sarcastically a spouse who hasn't responded as we desired. If we love Jesus, we can't rudely ignore a family member who has hurt us deeply. If we love Jesus, we can't yell at our children when they fail to obey. If we love Jesus, we show others the same love He showed from the cross.

As we learn this lesson--live this lesson--our children learn this lesson. What better Easter tradition could we pass along?

Tess Worrell writes and speaks to groups regarding issues of family life. She and husband, Mike Worrell, live in Madison, Indiana, where they are in their 14th year of home schooling. She would love to hear your insights. Comment here or email her at tess@YourFamilyMatterstous.com. If you are interested in bringing Tess to your home school or church group, learn more about her speaking at YourFamilyMatterstous.com.