Doing the Job

"Why won't this thing just do its job?!"  With a pile of dishes to wash, my frustration mounted as the newly purchased stopper failed to keep dishwater in the sink. Despite repeated wiggling, the suds simply drained away. "It has one job! Why can't it just do what it was created to do?"

I wonder how often God asks that question about me.

Sometimes, in the middle of folding laundry or correcting a math assignment, I look across the room to find my husband deep in thought. As I watch him sitting alone, I begin to reflect, "When was the last time I made time just for him?" Going deeper I ask, "Have I had enough in-depth conversations to know what he's pondering right now? Have I kept up with the pressures on him--do I know what is bringing him joy?"

Too often I get too busy to focus on my husband. I focus instead on my half of  the load and let him focus on his. With a house full of children it's so easy to say, "He's the other adult--he is on his own."

But, God says, "He's not supposed to be on his own. He gets lonely on his own. When I created him, I said that loneliness wasn't good, so I made you." I know I was created, first and foremost, to be my husband's companion. Though God has certainly added other roles, the very reason for my being is to ease the innate, created loneliness of my husband. Genesis 2. I also know how deeply God loves my husband. I'm sure there are times God looks at my husband single-handedly shouldering his burdens and asks, "Why can't she just do her job?!"

I know how to make this happen. When he gets home, I can instruct the children not to interrupt unless there is gushing blood, take him to our room, and spend the first 20 minutes of his time home focusing all my attention on catching up on his day. I can plan an evening away--or at least an evening walk--to get the two of us out of the house, together and focused on each other. I can stop folding laundry and go sit with him. I can simply determine to do the job I was created to do--then trust God will show me how to get the rest done, too.

Everything is made for a purpose. If my frustration boils over the stopper's failure to keep water in a sink, how frustrated must God get when I fail to help and encourage the husband He gave to me. I need to remember my own plea, "Please, just do the job you were made to do."

Tess Worrell writes and speaks to groups regarding issues of family life and living as a Godly woman. She and husband, Mike Worrell, live in Madison, Indiana, where they are in their 14th year of home schooling. She would love to hear your insights. Comment here or email her at tess@YourFamilyMatterstous.com. If you would like Tess to speak to your home school or church group, you can learn more about her speaking at YourFamilyMatterstous.com.

Resolutions for a Healthy Marriage

Home schooling families tend to be great goal setters. We set goals for our academics, for our children's spiritual growth, and for our co-ops. In all this we juggle so much. Home, school, church, extra curricular activities, work--sometimes in all this our marriages can get a little lost. As the new year dawns, we enjoy a great opportunity to put our goal-setting skills to work for the most important human relationship we have. If you'd like to set some goals for growing your marriage in the coming year, consider these:
Resolutions for a healthy marriage:

•  Resolve to learn spouse's love language and specifically say I love you in their love language at least once a day. What are "love languages"? Check out Gary Chapman's great book--The Five Love Languages. Whether you put a note in their lunch (words of affirmation) or fill the gas tank before they have an early morning start (acts of service)--you'll communicate your love in a way your spouse receives best. That builds spouse's sense of security in your love.

• Resolve to say only "that which builds others up." Find ways to express what your spouse does right, how they minister to you, and what you enjoy about them. As you focus on affirming all your spouse does for you, you build a foundation of security and joy for your marriage. At the same time, your conversations over the year will likely also include saying things that express concern, hurt, or anger about something spouse is doing. Even those thoughts should be expressed in a way to build spouse up, not tear them down. Make whatever divides you the enemy--not your spouse.

• Resolve to listen to whatever spouse says and take seriously--even if you disagree with the conclusions. Treat spouse's feelings, experiences, and desires as real, valuable, and important. 

• Resolve to spend one-on-one time with spouse doing something fun at least twice per month. Memories and connections created during fun times together help carry through hard times. Whether you picnic on the living room floor or splurge on a fun weekend get-away, invest your time, money, and focus on being with and enjoying your spouse.

• Resolve to pray diligently for your spouse every day. Great book for wives--The Power of a Praying Wife. Gives topical prayers as focus for praying for husbands. I don't know of equivalent for husbands, but do know that a wife senses when a husband prays for her. Prayer can bridge any gap by opening your relationship to the mighty working of God and His desire to build deep intimacy between you. Make this a priority, and you will see the work of God in your relationship.

May 2013 be a year when you are blessed in your marriage and the witness of your faithful, sacrificial love for each other witnesses to the greater love of Christ.
Tess Worrell writes and speaks to groups regarding issues of family life and living as a Godly woman. She and husband, Mike Worrell, live in Madison, Indiana, where they are in their 14th year of home schooling. She would love to hear your insights. Comment here or email her at tess@YourFamilyMatterstous.com. If you would like Tess to speak to your home school or church group, you can learn more about her speaking at YourFamilyMatterstous.com.

More Taking It To Heart

I wasn't yet a mother when I first heard of the 'Terrible Two's'.  I have to tell you I was really troubled by the term.  It wasn't that I feared what would befall our household when we, Lord willing, would have a two-year-old of our own.  No, it was the fact that the term was being used in the very presence of the two-year-old personages being described in such terms.

What must the little ones have thought?  Maybe I'm in the minority, but I've always been inclined to think that our little ones comprehend far more that we often realize.  I determined then and there never to use the term to describe children, in or out of a child's presence.

And I determined that, if, Lord willing, we should be blessed with a two-year-old, we should refer to that year as the 'Treasured Two's' instead.

Granted, there are particular days with children, or even phases of life, which may present more challenges, shall we say, than others.  But it's amazing how much our own attitudes can affect the entire atmosphere of our home and imprint permanent messages on young hearts.  Even in the context of challenges, the valuing of our relationships should never diminish.

It's in this context that today I am 'taking it to heart'  (as I wrote about in a previous post titled The House of Mourning--Taking It To Heart).  None of us knows just how many days we will have on this earth, but the number is indeed finite.  The question becomes, then, as we take that to heart, "What do I most want my children to remember?"

Will their memories of preschool days be of a mommy who was continually checking her watch to see how many minutes were left to 'endure' until nap time, when her relief would surely come?   Or will their memories be of a mommy who obviously treasured each moment her children were awake, openly grateful for the sweet conversations and chances to pour truth into their little hearts and minds?

Will the children who attend school outside the home hear their mommy singing 'It's The Most Wonderful Time of The Year' when she can't wait to get them out of the house at the start of each school year?  (I've actually heard this.)  Or will their mommy be even more excited than they are for a school-cancelled snow day to spend together?  (Thankfully, I've seen this, too!)

Are our homeschooled children conscious that we are just checking off a list of stuff that must be done together for school?  Or do they know that their mama, though exhausted at times, would gladly choose their life of learning together over anything else she might be doing with her time?

In the context of what I want my children to remember, what should I be communicating? How should I be saying it?  By what actions?  How often?  In what tone?  How does what I want my children to remember translate into daily practicalities?

Yes, indeed, the living takes it to heart. . .

Homeschooling with her husband, Scott, since 2001, Carol believes nothing is too difficult for God.  She is a passionate encourager and loves using creative means--including writing music, speaking, and blogging--to encourage others to trust God through all the adventures He calls them to.  You can read more from her at her Unsmotherable Delight blog (udelight.blogspot.com), where you'll find faith-filled original songs, favorite scriptures, family stories, and even a little film about adoption, all designed to inspire and lift your spirit.  Her 'theme song' titled Captain's Anthem can be heard on Vimeo at http://vimeo.com/30769152.