Evolution's Finest?

Several weeks ago, I had the opportunity to attend a debate between creationist Jay Wile (PhD nuclear chemistry) and evolutionist Robert A. Martin (PhD zoology).  I was absolutely amazed at the depth of evidence, or rather I should say lack thereof, presented by the evolutionist.  Allow me to impress you with an example.

Early in his talk, the evolutionist promised that we would get to “lots of evidence” for how we can know that certain rocks are 65 million years old.  Along with the rest of the audience, I waited in anticipation.

This Is It!

When he finally got to it, I was astounded.  Keep in mind that he had come prepared, with printed slides.  Are you ready for this?  Here is what was printed on one of his slides:

“We have put a rover on Mars;

how difficult do you think it is to date a rock?”

No kidding; that was it—the irrefutable evidence we had waited for—his brilliant “lots of evidence” technical explanation for the reliability of geologic column dates.

But he didn’t stop there.  No, he skillfully further reinforced his position with this dazzling zinger:

“These dates are basically right.

Sophisticated labs are doing this; it’s not hard.”

We waited all night for more substance, but he offered none.  In all honestly, he was genuinely pitiable; I’m not sure Dr. Martin even realized the audience was underwhelmed.

Evolution's Finest?

If that is all that the evolutionists have to offer, I’m not convinced we should dignify this sort of dialogue by calling it a debate at all.  Real debates feature logical arguments—backed by evidence—from both sides.  However, in this particular dialogue, the logical arguments and actual evidence were all on the side of the creationist Dr. Wile, who, in the case of the aforementioned topic, pointed out numerous examples of where dates assigned by various methods are not in agreement.

And so it went for the entire night.  The creationist gave example after example supporting his positions, and, unlike the evolutionist, the creationist included the citations for his evidence, which in several cases came straight from peer-reviewed articles authored by evolutionists.

The evolutionist, on the other hand, employed sarcasm, cartoons--yes, cartoons, and bullying insults to make his points, accusing audience members, including myself and other fellow college graduates from scientific fields, of never having read anything but our Bibles. He tried to bolster his position by insisting that educated people no longer question these things.  Throughout the entire evening, he conducted himself as though extreme confidence in his position completely negated the need for any evidence.

Honestly, I had actually expected some real clash in this match-up, but I was seriously disappointed; the evolutionist’s arrogant disregard for logic and evidence made a complete mockery of scientific inquiry.

Don't Be Intimidated

Fellow parents, even assuming that evolutionists exist who are more convincing than Dr. Martin (though my university biology professors were not), we have no reason whatsoever to shy away from the issue of origins.  And in fact, we should be addressing the issue of origins head on.  Dig in together with your children to examine the evidence.  Recognize and question the presuppositions.  Scrutinize and evaluate the bold claims.  Teach your children to think critically and logically by engaging in discussion with them.

If you’re looking for materials, Dr. Wile’s textbooks are one good place to start.

"Do you not know?  Have you not heard?

The Everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth

does not become weary or tired.

His understanding is inscrutable."
Isaiah 40:28

Not only that, but He never loses a debate.

A homeschool mom since 2001, Carol is a passionate encourager and loves using creative means to do it--including blogging, speaking, writing music, and singing. Her blog, called Unsmotherable Delight (udelight.blogspot.com), is where you'll find musings and music to encourage your faith and lift your spirit.  Her original 'theme song' titled Captain's Anthem can also be heard on Vimeo at http://vimeo.com/30769152.

Scripture quotations taken from the NASB.

Stand for Truth

"I am the way, and the truth, and the life."  

--Jesus of Nazareth, God come in the flesh  

recorded in John 14:6

In today's postmodern world of relative truth, a strategy has emerged for dealing with uncomfortable ideas.  People just simply choose not to believe something and feel confident that they have sufficiently invalidated the idea by doing so.  They choose to deny whatever they don't like or whatever makes them uncomfortable.  If they view truth as relative (so nothing is absolute), they are able to let themselves off the hook when an idea has implications they don't wish to face.

Strategies like peacocks—fancy, but they don’t fly

The grim fact is that denial is only a delusion.*  It changes nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  If my house is on fire, no amount of denial will put the fire out and restore my burnt possessions.

*Delusion-- (from the Apple Dictionary) an idiosyncratic belief or impression that is firmly maintained despite being contradicted by what is generally accepted as reality or rational argument.

Denial is often accompanied by a companion strategy that is equally delusional.  Denial's companion strategy is that of concocting one's own "truth."  Simply create a belief system that appeals to your personal whims and live by it.  However, no amount of dreaming will put money in the bank to cover my checks when my account is empty.  No merchant will accept my concocted delusion as payment. 

This is your world

The problem is that neither of these strategies acknowledges reality.  Yet the world we live in embraces and promotes these strategies.  Christian apologist Josh McDowell pointed out in 2011 that 91 percent of evangelical Christians said there is no absolute truth apart from themselves.  In today's world, both in our culture, and even in the Church at large, truth has been watered down, at the least, if not outrightly denied.  This is the kind of world we must prepare our children to live in, to survive in.

Truly, we want them to do even more than just survive; we want them to thrive.  We want them to shine the light of God's truth in the darkness.  We want them to be used by God to set others free from denial and delusion.

For twenty years, we have sought God's wisdom to prepare our children to stand unashamed and to speak boldly and winsomely for His truth.  While that may seem like a long time, it has literally flown, and our first daughter is now in her second week of college.

Now is the time

Parents, our time is truly limited.  We can't afford to think we'll get to deep discussions with our children some other day.  The time to model a hunger for God's truth in His Word is now.    By our daily example, we teach where we believe the answers to life's questions lie.

We must warn our young people ahead of time of the kinds of strategies they will face in the battle over truth.  We can't afford to let them walk blindly into an ambush.

We must help them understand that Truth is unchanging and that the only place to find it is in God's Word.  We must talk together and wrestle with ideas, continually comparing them to God's truth.  We can't afford to give our children less than a solid foundation.

This means war

There is a very real enemy of our souls, who prowls like a lion, seeking someone to devour, Peter tells us.  (I Peter 5:8) This battle over truth is very real and it's a battle for our children's hearts and minds.

This battle over truth is no surprise to God, however.  He inspired Peter to deliver a relevant warning long ago.

"But false teachers also arose among the people,

just as there will also be false teachers among you, 

who will secretly introduce destructive heresies, 

even denying the Master who bought them, 

bringing swift destruction upon themselves.


And many will follow their sensuality, 

and because of them the way of the truth will be maligned;

and in their greed the will exploit you with false words; 

their judgement from long ago is not idle, 

and their destruction is not asleep."

II Peter 2:1-3

(excerpt from a letter from one of Jesus' original followers)





Don’t give up

We don’t have to be afraid or dismayed when truth is denied.  But neither can we assume that all will be well if we keep silent.  Our job is to earnestly contend for the faith, starting right at home.

"Beloved, while I was making every effort 

to write you about our common salvation, 

I felt the necessity to write to you appealing 

that you contend earnestly for the faith 

which was once for all delivered to the saints.  

Jude 1:3

Never be ashamed to hold fast to truth,

For no matter how hard denial tries to undo,

Unbelief will never make truth untrue!

Homeschooling with her husband, Scott, since 2001, Carol believes nothing is too difficult for God.  She is a passionate encourager and loves using creative means--including writing music, singing, speaking, and blogging--to encourage others to trust God through all the adventures He calls them to.  You can read more from her at her Unsmotherable Delight blog (udelight.blogspot.com), where you'll find faith-filled original songs, favorite scriptures, family stories, and even a little film about adoption, all designed to inspire and lift your spirit.  Her original 'theme song' titled Captain's Anthem can be heard on Vimeo at http://vimeo.com/30769152.

Scripture quotations taken from the NASB, except where otherwise specified.




How do I make time for that?!

I was with a group of moms recently, and we were all bemoaning the status of our weight. "How do you find time to exercise?" a friend asked. Her question took me back 15 years to a conversation when I asked, "With all these children, a husband, home school--how do I find time for morning devotions?"

A friend gently responded, "You don't find time; you make time."

She then went on to teach me one of the most important lessons of my life. "Everyone has the same 24 hours," she said. "Nobody finds more time than someone else--they just make different uses of their 24 hours.

Time limits are really a gift from God. When you look at how you spend your time, you are looking at what you've made most important. The real question is--do you want your present time investments to define your life? If not, make some different choices."

While I was inwardly cringing (and a little resentful that she didn't have more sympathy for all that was on my plate), I couldn't deny the truth in her words. Everyone has the same 24 hours. If people were accomplishing things I was not, they were simply making different choices with their time.

Did I need to make some different choices?

More importantly--what time investments did I want to define my life?

Mike and I made the choice to let God define the size of our family. God was generous. That choice led to some time investments--diapers, nursings, spit-ups, settling quarrels. I wasn't missing the important; I was living the important. Just  realizing that I was spending my time on the priorities I wanted to define my life--the nurture and care of my children--made me feel less overwhelmed by the sense that others were doing so much more than me.

My friend's encouragement to make time for the important also pushed me to get up earlier to make time for being with God. If I truly wanted to nurture these children, I had to be fed and guided by Him. That couldn't happen without some time alone with Him. I had 20 minutes that could be spent on sleep or time with Him. I wanted time with Him more.

Recent life has taught me that sometimes life circumstances define our choices. Or, as God puts it, "The mind of a man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9. Mike's stroke has me spending enormous time blocks on areas I would never choose--paperwork, therapy, the "man" jobs of the house. Yet, how I carry these out--emotionally, spiritually, physically--brings concreteness to the choice I made 30 years ago to be with Mike for better or worse till death parted us. I'm now spending my time keeping that promise. That's a legacy I want to leave.

As home schoolers our plates are so full. It's easy to go from one thing to the next. Yet, how we spend our time defines our lives. We won't just find time for the important. If we aren't accomplishing what we want--we must invest time differently.

Meanwhile, as we intentionally focus on where our time goes--we might just discover our passing moments really do live out the important. It's hard to anticipate how big choices will look day-to-day. When we intentionally examine our time and find we are living the priorities, we can thank God that the limits on time affirm that we are following His plan for our steps.

Tess Worrell writes and speaks to groups regarding issues of family life and living as a Godly woman. She and husband, Mike Worrell, live in Madison, Indiana, where they are in their 14th year of home schooling. She would love to hear your insights. Comment here or email her at tess@YourFamilyMatterstous.com. If you would like Tess to speak to your home school or church group, you can learn more about her speaking at YourFamilyMatterstous.com.

With No Apologies

Warning:  Exclusive claims ahead.

No, not about what curriculum or method of education to use, these claims are about something much more basic--more foundational--than that.  

I am about to make an exclusive claim about a foundation. Actually, I’m not personally making the claim.  Someone else did; I’m just committed to publicizing it.  

Allow me to digress for a moment.  I find the word “panoply” fascinating.  According to my Apple dictionary, panoply means a “complete or impressive collection of things; a splendid display”--especially, historically, in the context of a “complete set of arms or suit of armor,” and originally referring to “complete protection for spiritual warfare.”  

But what’s a panoply got to do with a foundation and exclusive claims?  Well, everything actually.  Many leaders, even some among those who claim to be part of Christendom, would have us believe that all the varied ideas and diverse religious philosophies promoted around the world today represent a panoply from which it is perfectly right and proper to choose our spiritual tools and practices.  People speak of drawing from the wells of various “wisdom traditions” (i.e. other religions) in order to enhance their relationship with God. (An example of one prominent practice drawn from non-Christian wells, yet white-washed and paraded through Christendom in an intricate deception, is what's commonly called "contemplative prayer.")  

And here I show my hand, with no apologies.  This highly touted, supposed panoply, brought to you courtesy of the world's religions, is an absolute fraud, an elaborate deception--highly billed, yes, but a hoax all the same.

All ideas, all philosophies, and all religions are not equally valid.  There, I said it. But the idea is not originally mine.

It was Jesus of Nazareth who made exclusive claims to truth. Listen to this from Luke 6:46-49.

“And why do you call Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say?

Everyone who comes to Me, and hears My words, and acts upon them,  I will show you whom he is like:

he is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid a foundation upon the rock; and when a flood rose, the torrent burst against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built.

But the one who has heard, and has not acted accordingly is like a man who built a house upon the ground without any foundation; and the torrent burst against it and immediately it collapsed, and the ruin of that house was great.”  (italics mine)

Do you see?  Jesus didn’t say that the ones who don’t listen and act on His words didn’t build a house.   No, they built a house all right.  They invested the effort, the time, and the money to build.  But they did all that “without any foundation.” Interestingly, until the storm came, the house with no foundation may have looked to the casual observer to be just as solid as the house built on rock.  But, in fact, what they built on was loose and shifty.  Let’s face it; even wind can push sand around.

Further, He doesn’t even say they built on a wrong foundation. He says they built “without any foundation” at all.  And He says the only way to have a foundation that withstands the deluge is to listen to His words and act accordingly.  Nothing else but His teaching will do as a foundation.  Nothing else even is a foundation.

This is an exclusive claim.  It’s His way or nothing.  There aren’t any alternate foundations.  The options are 1) a solid foundation of obedience to Jesus’ words or 2) no foundation at all.

Jesus most certainly made exclusive claims.  He said if you’re not acting according to His teaching, you have no foundation.  No foundation.  That’s not just what I like to think.  It’s what He said, and a person who is true to the real Jesus will uphold those claims.  

Contrary to today’s popular thought, Jesus most certainly did not proclaim either the equality of all religions, or their neutrality.  In the Old Testament, God said, “I am the Lord, and there is no other.  Besides Me there is no God.”  (Isaiah 45:5)  In the New Testament, Jesus said (John 14:6), “No one comes to the Father, but through Me.” And, yes, in Luke 6, if you’re not putting "My" words into practice, you have "no foundation," and you are doomed to go down with a big crash one day.  A person who is true to the real Jesus will not contradict His exclusive claims by embracing the idea of “truth” in all religions.  In fact, Jesus said good fruit isn’t produced on a bad tree.  (See Luke 6:43)  It would be foolish to go looking for true spiritual fruit on a tree of false religion whose roots grow straight out of hell.

Consistent with this, in Acts 17, God’s messenger Paul didn’t tell the Athenians they were just fine for adding one more statue (“to an unknown god”) to their line-up of idols.  Rather, in verse 16, “...his spirit was being provoked within him as he was beholding the city full of idols.”  He boldly told the Athenians where they were theologically wrong, and that though the Creator had overlooked their prior ignorance, God was “now declaring to men that all everywhere should repent, because He has fixed a day in which He will judge the world in righteousness through a Man who He has appointed [Jesus], having furnished proof to all men by raising Him from the dead.” (verse 30, italics mine)

What has this got to do with education and parenting?  Just why should we care? Here’s why: our children’s spiritual destiny hangs in the balance.

If we believe our children’s spiritual life is the most important aspect of their lives, then intentionally teaching them the truth should be highest priority.  Warning them of false teachers and false teachings, as the New Testament writers did, should be highest priority.

I would grant that traditional subjects, like Math and English, are important, even necessary, but in the final analysis, they have no strong and direct link to our children’s spiritual destiny. While we make time for the necessary traditional subjects, and for sundry extra-curriculars, have we neglected to also devote sufficient time to giving them the only real foundation to build the rest of their education and lives upon?     

Right now, we still have an opportunity to teach our children the truth.  We can anchor them in God’s Word.  We still have the freedom to expose the lies and arguments of the “no absolute truth” and “truth in all religions” crowd.  But even as we do, the heralds of “no absolute truth” and “truth in all religions” are mobilized, strategizing, and boldly advancing. It could be that your family has already crossed paths with some of the most famous proponents of these ideas, though you may not have recognized them at the time.  They are even showing up in homeschool catalogs.

We still have freedom, and there is still time, but realistically, it may not last. Sometimes, carefully thinking through and spelling out the things we are going to regret not doing can help to clarify which things we are doing that aren’t really worthy of as much of our time.

The context of the original word “panoply” was spiritual warfare.  Interestingly, if all religions and all ideas are equally valid and good, then what is the point of spiritual warfare anyway?  Why would there be a war of ideas if all ideas are all equally good?

The fact is that there is a war of ideas over Jesus' exclusive claim that there is only one foundation.  The only real panoply--the complete set of armor for protection in spiritual warfare-- is found in Jesus and His Word.  The only foundation for building a life on is Jesus and His Word.

If we don’t want our children stepping out in fake armor, cherry-picked from the false religions of the world, building lives “without any foundation” that are destined for great ruin, then we must make a serious priority of making sure they understand and can choose to apply and defend the exclusive truth of God’s Word and the exclusive claims of His Son.  And that means we have got to be willing to dig in and do the hard work to understand, apply, and defend the truth ourselves, if we’ve any hope of properly arming them.  We dare not leave it to the church or to anyone else.  Though the choice to obey is ultimately theirs, the responsibility is squarely in our own laps to make them well-aquainted with the truth.

There is only one foundation. It's time to build on the Rock--while there's still time. The coming storm will reveal whose house stands and whose house falls.

May yours be one that stands.

Homeschooling with her husband, Scott, since 2001, Carol believes nothing is too difficult for God.  She is a passionate encourager and loves using creative means--including writing music, singing, speaking, and blogging--to encourage others to trust God through all the adventures He calls them to.  You can read more from her at her Unsmotherable Delight blog (udelight.blogspot.com), where you'll find faith-filled original songs, favorite scriptures, family stories, and even a little film about adoption, all designed to inspire and lift your spirit.  Her original 'theme song' titled Captain's Anthem can be heard on Vimeo at http://vimeo.com/30769152.

Scripture quotations taken from the NASB, except where otherwise specified.

Why Won't She Listen?

"What just happened?" Many parents find themselves asking this question just after trying to talk with their child. Parent senses something is wrong with child. Parent lovingly tries to engage child in conversation to find out what's wrong and how parent can help. Child wants nothing to do with their advice or them. What happened?
My dad once observed, "For people to believe a message, they have to trust the messenger."We see it every day. As formerly trusted messengers (news reporters, politicians, pastors) have been caught in lies and scandals, people's trust in messages--whether news, government decisions, or spiritual guidance--has plummeted. Our children are not immune. Though parents genuinely love their children and have solid advice to offer, if children no longer trust their parents--they ignore the message.
If you want your children to listen to your message, you must become a trustworthy messenger. How can parents win back (or preserve) the trust of their child?

• Keep your word. Don't make promises you can't (or don't intend) to keep. If you promise child to make it to their football game or a cuddle on the couch after they clean their room, don't let a work deadline or phone call cause you to miss this time. Don't offer bribes to induce good behavior, then renege. Don't forget little promises because children remember. While seeming minor at the time, a pattern of putting off what you told children you would do destroys trust. Keeping your word even when, and perhaps especially when, it's something minor builds trust.

• Live by the standards you impose. Double standards destroy trust. When parents yell in anger but punish children for doing so, parents create piles of clutter but demand that children put stuff away, parents demand that children listen attentively but stare at their computer when child is speaking--these double standards destroy any illusion that the messenger is trustworthy. When parents follow the standards they impose--children learn parents can be trusted. Further, our struggle to follow these standards--that deep sigh as you stop yourself from yelling--instills greater trust. Our children see that following the rules costs us as much as it costs them.

• Be the same person at home as in public. When parents are kind, considerate, and helpful to others in public but selfish and grumpy at home--trust lost. When parents go out of their way to treat family as well as (or even better than) those outside the house, trust builds.

Want your children to listen? Become a messenger they can trust. 
Tess Worrell writes and speaks to groups regarding issues of family life and living as a Godly woman. She and husband, Mike Worrell, live in Madison, Indiana, where they are in their 14th year of home schooling. She would love to hear your insights. Comment here or email her at tess@YourFamilyMatterstous.com. If you would like Tess to speak to your home school or church group, you can learn more about her speaking at YourFamilyMatterstous.com.

No fair!!!

"No fair!" How often do your children shout these words?

In our home, the cry of "No fair!" is usually followed by a call for mom to come work things out. I don't know about you, but the thing I like most about our home schooling (being together, building family, teaching my children how to relate) can so often become the element that overwhelms me most. When sibling conflicts pile one on top of the other, I can get really tired of being the one to sort it out.

Yet, I've learned--these are golden opportunities. In these everyday times of personalities clashing, we parents can bring the teaching of God to very concrete situations. We show our children how to follow God in the real world.

How does this work when our children cry, "No fair"? We can begin by shifting their vision to God's definition of fair, then asking, "Is God's standard being followed?"

Usually, our children's cry of "no fair" means, "I didn't get what I deserve." Children cry foul when they want the red truck but brother keeps playing with it, when sister gets the bigger piece of cake, when older siblings get to stay up but they have to go to bed. What does God mean by fair?

Fair can mean:

• that the reasonable and just outcome has occurred. Proverbs 2:9, Judges 9:16, Luke 3:12-13
• that the needs of everyone in the situation have been met. Col. 4:1
• that children have each treated the others the way they would want to be treated. Luke 6:31

When our children cry "no fair," our best strategy may be to simply ask questions that point to God's standard.

• "Did the just outcome occur?"  In the tousle over the red truck, what would be the just outcome? That the owner of the truck gets to be in charge? That everyone had an equal turn? That brother, who began the game with the truck, gets to carry it out without sister coming along and taking the key piece to brother's game just because the fun brother was having caught her eye? 

• "Did you make sure everyone's needs were met?" We can ask everyone involved what they did to ensure that others' interests were considered and needs met. What could happen with the red truck to ensure this outcome? 

• "Did you treat your sibling the way you would want to be treated?" This question trains our children to always look at others with the eyes of Christ. What would you have wanted your sibling to do? Did you do that first?

Yes, the process can be exhausting. Teaching our children to follow God takes our best energy, time, and wisdom. Yet, isn't this why we're home schooling in the first place? To use every moment God puts in our day to point to Him?

The benefit? Moment by moment, day by day--our children learn to see others as God does and to match their everyday choices to His standard. Moment by moment, day by day our homes grow into God's kingdom ruled by His standard and filled with His grace. That promise transforms the cry of "No fair!" from an overwhelming challenge into a golden teachable moment to point to Christ and His way of living.

Resolutions for a Healthy Marriage

Home schooling families tend to be great goal setters. We set goals for our academics, for our children's spiritual growth, and for our co-ops. In all this we juggle so much. Home, school, church, extra curricular activities, work--sometimes in all this our marriages can get a little lost. As the new year dawns, we enjoy a great opportunity to put our goal-setting skills to work for the most important human relationship we have. If you'd like to set some goals for growing your marriage in the coming year, consider these:
Resolutions for a healthy marriage:

•  Resolve to learn spouse's love language and specifically say I love you in their love language at least once a day. What are "love languages"? Check out Gary Chapman's great book--The Five Love Languages. Whether you put a note in their lunch (words of affirmation) or fill the gas tank before they have an early morning start (acts of service)--you'll communicate your love in a way your spouse receives best. That builds spouse's sense of security in your love.

• Resolve to say only "that which builds others up." Find ways to express what your spouse does right, how they minister to you, and what you enjoy about them. As you focus on affirming all your spouse does for you, you build a foundation of security and joy for your marriage. At the same time, your conversations over the year will likely also include saying things that express concern, hurt, or anger about something spouse is doing. Even those thoughts should be expressed in a way to build spouse up, not tear them down. Make whatever divides you the enemy--not your spouse.

• Resolve to listen to whatever spouse says and take seriously--even if you disagree with the conclusions. Treat spouse's feelings, experiences, and desires as real, valuable, and important. 

• Resolve to spend one-on-one time with spouse doing something fun at least twice per month. Memories and connections created during fun times together help carry through hard times. Whether you picnic on the living room floor or splurge on a fun weekend get-away, invest your time, money, and focus on being with and enjoying your spouse.

• Resolve to pray diligently for your spouse every day. Great book for wives--The Power of a Praying Wife. Gives topical prayers as focus for praying for husbands. I don't know of equivalent for husbands, but do know that a wife senses when a husband prays for her. Prayer can bridge any gap by opening your relationship to the mighty working of God and His desire to build deep intimacy between you. Make this a priority, and you will see the work of God in your relationship.

May 2013 be a year when you are blessed in your marriage and the witness of your faithful, sacrificial love for each other witnesses to the greater love of Christ.
Tess Worrell writes and speaks to groups regarding issues of family life and living as a Godly woman. She and husband, Mike Worrell, live in Madison, Indiana, where they are in their 14th year of home schooling. She would love to hear your insights. Comment here or email her at tess@YourFamilyMatterstous.com. If you would like Tess to speak to your home school or church group, you can learn more about her speaking at YourFamilyMatterstous.com.

3 Steps to Thankfulness

“Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise. . . “ Psalm 100:4

Thanksgiving may be the best holiday of the year. No gifts to buy, no pressure to create a certain experience, no special plays or musicals—simply a day to gather together and give thanks.     More—we can use the season to teach our children the fundamentals of entering God’s presence.

The Psalmist wrote, “Enter His gates with thanksgiving.” We come into God’s presence as we give thanks. Gratitude, contentment, and thankfulness are the hallmarks of a child of God. Instilling this trait in our children not only makes them much more pleasant people with whom to live, it forms their character to seek and see God.

How can Thanksgiving season help us focus on this trait?

• Read: Find great books about the Pilgrims and take this month to read together. For example Down Ryton Water by E.R. Gaggin and Drew Thurston tells the full story of the journey from England to Holland to Plymouth. A little tough in the language, its detail brings the struggle and the spirit of the people to life. Contentment breeds contentment. As we read of the Pilgrims’ ability to be thankful in the midst of so much hardship, our own gratitude grows.

• Record: Find a way to daily give thanks throughout the month. One of our favorite family traditions is to cut “leaves” out of different colors of construction paper. Each night at dinner each member of the family writes (or someone writes for them) the thing they are thankful for from the day. We then tape them to the windows. Over the month our home is filled with fall color. On Thanksgiving—we read each leaf. Sure, it takes some time—but the time it takes reinforces how very much God has blessed us in both big and small ways. Other families have a thankfulness journal. Still others simply pray their gratitude out loud each night. Find a way to record your blessings, and your heart toward God will grow.

• Reach out: God blesses us so that we share those blessings with others. When we intentionally create times for our family to serve others, we enlarge both our capacity to give thanks and our compassion for God’s world. Serve at a food bank, deliver meals to shut-ins, reach out to the lonely and elderly in your church.  Using a season that focuses on blessings to bless others marks us as God’s children.

Other holidays have had their Christian message greatly diluted by secularism. Thanksgiving remains untainted. We enter God’s gates as we give thanks. May this be a month where your family grows in gratitude and in the experience of coming into God’s presence. #parenting

Tess Worrell writes and speaks to groups regarding issues of family life and living as a Godly woman. She and husband, Mike Worrell, live in Madison, Indiana, where they are in their 14th year of home schooling. She would love to hear your insights. Comment here or email her at tess@YourFamilyMatterstous.com. If you would like Tess to speak to your home school or church group, you can learn more about her speaking at YourFamilyMatterstous.com.

Unclicking the Clique

"I don't think we're going to be part of the co-op next year," a mom shared over coffee one morning.

Seeing the hurt in her eyes, I asked, "What's going on? Is there a problem?"

"Well . . . the kids just don't feel included. The popular kids don't give our girls the time of day. They joined to find friends--that's just not happening."

Again. A great idea for fellowship and relationship--spoiled by cliques. I have to admit, I didn't expect this in our home schooling group. This was supposed to be a public school issue. Turns out home schoolers are just as likely to form cliques. And the hurt strikes just as deeply.

Whether it's public school, home school groups, church youth groups--any group where kids band   together--the tendency exists to form cliques. Somehow one group becomes the "in" crowd with others looking on hoping to be included; hurt when they are not.

As parents, we spend a lot of our time either complaining about cliques, comforting our excluded children, or encouraging our included children to welcome others. Perhaps, we need a different focus.

Focus on the heart issue. God cares about two things: right relationship with Him and right relationship with others. To ensure we would pursue this right relationship with others, he put in us a longing for connection.

Cliques are a perversion of this longing. Instead of a right relationship with others, we pursue the kind of relationship that gains its value from exclusion of others. God's desires lived out--in a completely ungodly way.

Instead of addressing the clique issue, perhaps we would do well to shift the focus to the relationship issue. Helping our children see that God put a desire to relate deeply to others within them, but that He also instructs how those relationships are to be lived out. When our children gain God's perspective--they can get past their own desire to be "in the clique" and begin to see the value of relationship coming from getting to know, encourage, and serve God with other people.

Give our children these relational skills. The beauty of home schooling is that we truly use every moment to learn how to live life in a Godly way. With their siblings or other people in their lives, our children can practice the right kinds of relational skills. They begin to see their time together as a way of getting to know, encourage, and serve God with the people in their lives.

When we train our children to respond to situations by "putting up" with a relative's perhaps irritating but not harmful idiosyncrasies, by "encouraging" a brother in his math test, by "serving one another" by cleaning up sister's lunch dishes while she catches up on her language. In short as we put the "one anothers" of scripture into practice each day--our children gain a right vision for relationships both at home and in groups. They no longer view others through a lens of "will I be more popular when with them?" They see others as the people God put in their lives to minister to, relate to, and value because they are both growing in Christ.

The conversation with the mom happened in my kitchen several years ago. Her daughter longed to be part of the clique; my son was on the inside. We began talking to our children about the damage that was happening and a better vision for relationships at Co-op. Today, some parents drive an hour to be part of the group because "my children feel so connected here." We can make a change. Children who know how to relate to others in a Godly way don't just have better co-ops; they make a better world.

Tess Worrell writes and speaks to groups regarding issues of family life and living as a Godly woman. She and husband, Mike Worrell, live in Madison, Indiana, where they are in their 14th year of home schooling. She would love to hear your insights. Comment here or email her at tess@YourFamilyMatterstous.com. If you would like Tess to speak to your home school or church group, you can learn more about her speaking at YourFamilyMatterstous.com. #parenting

3 Keys for Dealing with Parental Anger

Anger. What is it with anger? How can we be so in love and engaged with our children one moment, then so angry the next? Few parents escape that sick feeling of guilt after we've truly blown it with our child.

We know when our blow-ups are wrong. We know the damage they cause. We so often fear our own reactions because they seem to come from out of the blue--wreaking havoc, hurting those we love.

At the same time--at our core--we know we're right. Often, our anger is justified. Our children have done the very things we've spent so much time teaching against--hurting others; hurting us. How do we find the balance? How do we justifiably react to what is wrong without giving in to an anger that only damages.

Dr. S. M. Davis, pastor and noted home school speaker, calls parental anger the Number 1 destroyer of Godly families. If he's right, we must find a better way. Three keys for dealing with anger can show us that better way. The keys can be summed up in the phrase, "Anger is a great signal that something is wrong, but a terrible tool for fixing."

Anger is a great signal that something is wrong. When we're angry--there's a reason. God gives people emotions as tools for sensing the deeper layers of life going on around us. When we feel angry, that's the signal that something needs to be addressed.

Scripture teaches--first examine your own life. Matthew 7:3-5 Is the issue that needs addressing coming from within? Are you trying to teach the intricacies of Algebra on minimal sleep and no breakfast? Home schoolers have to do it all. We nurse babies throughout the night, encourage husbands facing job stresses, and figure out the strategies for teaching both beginning phonics and advanced Algebra all while managing a household. The stresses mount. Little sleep and a diet of coffee and children's left overs don't quite cut it. Our anger over child refusing to concentrate may have less to do with child's reaction and more with our need for a nap.

Once we've examined our own lives, we are then in a position to examine our child's. Anger is a great signal that something is wrong. When we become angry that our child won't concentrate on his work or keeps hitting his sister or back-talks when we give instructions--the anger is right. God has given our child a job of school. When child refuses to settle down and work, he is rebelling against God. When he hits his sister, he's rebelling against God's command to love others sacrificially. When he responds poorly to you, he's rebelling against the authority God has placed in his life. Our frustration with these behaviors rightly points us to heart issues that must be addressed.

Anger is a terrible tool for fixing what is wrong. James 1:2 says, "Man's anger does not bring about the righteous life God desires." Our anger won't bring about righteousness in our children. This is the source of our confusion. We are rightly angry, but that anger can't bring about righteousness. So, when we act in anger, we fail to follow God's direction in dealing with the situation which means we are now as in the wrong as our child. Hence the guilt. Hence the havoc wreaked when we blow up.

Instead, we need to allow the anger to signal when a situation needs addressing. Then, we need to address by getting on our knees and asking God for guidance in dealing with our child's heart. James 4 tells us that if we seek getting our way, we will have quarrels and fights. But, if we seek God's wisdom, He will give it.

Sometimes He gives the wisdom right away. We know that the hitting shows a lack of love for sister that violates God's command to love. We can take son aside and say, "Son, what in your heart is causing you to hit your sister?" As he shares his frustration that she keeps taking his pencils or does better than him at his math, you can offer, "I'm sure that is frustrating. She isn't treating you well. But, how does God want us to treat those who are hurting us?" Then comes the very concrete lessons of loving those who hurt us, finding Godly ways to share frustration rather than giving in to sin, or taking the time to see from another's perspective--the real discipleship of home schooling lived out in the scenes of our life, daily.

The key is refusing to use anger to resolve the situation but instead using God's word. If you need help knowing where to find His direction for a specific situation, I love Kara Durbin's Parenting with Scripture. She categorizes scripture based on heart attitude. Incredibly helpful resource.

Focus on the hearts. When we develop the habit of letting our anger inform us of situations that need our attention but deal with those out of God's word bathed in our patience, gentleness, firmness, and love--we stop blowing up. The pattern moves from us living a guilt-ridden roller coaster of costly interactions with our children to a pattern of God's word shaping our relationships. Our focus moves from the outer behavior to the heart.

Our children's behavior gives a clear mirror of the activity of their hearts. So does ours. When we focus on the hearts--ours and our child's--we open our hearts to seek God's reign in everything. We let His word shape and mold us. We become the people of God we long to be.

As parents--we get angry. Anger is a great signal that something is wrong, but a terrible tool for fixing. As we use our anger to take note of issues we need to address but God's word as the tool, we take our families from damaged to healthy.