Making Our Children Happy

What defines happiness?

As my son and I were sharing what had been going on during our week, he offered some insights from his reading of Plato. "I'm learning how important it is to define the terms we use," he said. "For example, when we say 'happiness' we mean usually mean pleasure. But, that's not what Plato meant. Plato defined happiness as fulfillment of the soul. He said that to be happy we needed to be right in our soul--and that comes through a virtuous life. That has completely changed for me what I think about when someone uses the word 'happy.'"

My son elaborated by explaining that Plato taught the focus on a virtuous life offered a guard against engaging in situations simply to seek pleasure. This, in turn, protects against extremes such as fool hardiness or cowardice. Instead, the focus becomes doing what is right. While engaging in virtuous choices can bring pleasure, the focus is not on obtaining pleasure. For, pleasure can also lead us to doing what drains the soul and--ultimately--happiness. Focus on virtue feeds the soul. A full soul brings happiness.

This conversation left me thinking, "I focus a lot on my children being happy. How am I defining this, and how do I communicate happiness to my children? When we're studying the Bible I teach that true happiness comes from pleasing God, but do I too often focus on a pleasure-based happiness when making daily choices for them?"

In our home schooling communities we are so inundated with cultural definitions and perspectives. I know I can so easily be influenced by these. I love those moments God brings me away from all that and to Him. Even through non-Christians such as Plato.

In this conversation with my son, I was reminded the importance of focusing on virtue--even as a means for the happiness I want for my children. I was also reminded to teach them to assess their desires by considering whether those desires help them pursue a virtuous life with God.

This shift in thinking comes in the most concrete moments of our day--when our children ask for the extra cookie, for time to play video games, for a trip to the mall. Rather than simply considering whether these will bring our children pleasure, we should also consider whether these will bring virtue.

I'm not suggesting that the answer should thus be "No." I think there are situations where any of these can bring virtue. For example, our offering of an extra cookie can be an example of the extreme generosity of God. We can use these moments to teach our children to expect overwhelming goodness from God and to praise Him for it. And then to mimic His generosity with others. Perhaps it becomes as simple as responding to a request from our child with, "Before I answer, can you tell me how this will bring virtue to you?" The shift from a focus on pleasure to a focus on virtue will change how we assess making our children happy. And this will teach our children what happiness truly is.

Happiness--a huge focus for our culture. As home schoolers, defining well what we mean by happiness and then training our children in a life that brings real happiness seems a pivotal preparation for life. It also offers a means for accomplishing one of our deepest desires for our children--for them to be truly happy.