The Sweet Spot

"Are your children always like this?" asked the pastor of the church a family was visiting.

Mom glanced at her brood--sitting perfectly straight in the chairs, talking in whispers. "Not a chance!"

"Good. For a minute I was worried you wouldn't fit in here."

Why wouldn't well-behaved children fit his church? What was his target?

As Christians, especially home schooling Christians, we target the sweet spot.

Too many home schoolers struggle because we live in paralyzing fear that every one else found the magic formula for turning out perfect children while we raise children who argue, disobey, and fight over pencils instead of doing their math. We need to see that other families struggle, too. Other families' children talk back. Other families' children blatantly disregard a direct instruction. Other families' children fight over pencils.

We need to target being real--about our struggles, our confusion, our moments when life actually works. As we walk with Jesus--we admit the walk includes both struggle and joy.

Perhaps the pastor wanted this. Perhaps he wanted to know this new family wouldn't present some false standard to intimidate others. Wouldn't hide their true selves behind a facade of perfection that discouraged and kept others distant.

On the other hand, too many home schoolers struggle because we have simply given up. We came to the realization that discipling kids is a 24/7 job and we simply don't have it. We target mediocrity. We settle for checking off books read and math pages completed as our children tear through the house unchecked, undisciplined, unkind. We ignore the standard set forth in scripture as unrealistic, inapplicable.

Perhaps the pastor wanted this. Perhaps, his flock, content ignoring biblical standards for family, wanted to ensure some family who targeted these standards didn't rock the boat. Too many churches settle for mediocrity in family life. So do too many home schoolers.

Where's the sweet spot?

We need to target the spot between false perfection and mediocrity. Like Paul, brutally honest in his own struggle, we need to forget what is behind and strain forward for what is ahead. We need to take hold of the life for which Jesus took hold of us--and our children. We target raising our children to be like Jesus. Self-controlled, kind, gentle, forgiving, self-sacrificing, hard working, courageous, real. None of this comes naturally. And home schooling won't save us. Only Jesus will save us. He simply uses the home schooling as one of His tools.

When they throw the math book in frustration, we teach self-control. When they refuse to come when we call, we teach self-sacrifice. When they steal the pencil, we teach kindness. Everything we teach WILL be a struggle because our parenting has been cursed. But, that doesn't mean we accept the status quo. We take out Parenting with Scripture by Kara Durbin, look up the current sin, then apply the biblical truth. We call a friend to ask what she does when her children act this way. We get on our knees and ask God moment by moment to guide us in guiding our children.

As we shoot for the sweet spot, come to a place where we sit in a pew with children in tow and offer, "No, they aren't always like this. But, we're trying."

Tess Worrell writes and speaks to groups regarding issues of family life. She and husband, Mike Worrell, live in Madison, Indiana, where they are in their 14th year of home schooling. She would love to hear your insights. Comment here or email her at tess@YourFamilyMatterstous.com. If you are interested in bringing Tess to your home school or church group, learn more about her speaking at YourFamilyMatterstous.com.