"A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones." Proverbs 14:10.
Do your children ever struggle with jealousy? Do siblings battle over who gets the red fire truck? Complain about how big a piece of pie someone else received? Grumble because a friend was invited to a party they weren't?
Jealousy. It spoils events, clouds perspective, rots the bones.
How do we help our children get past jealousy? A contented heart.
Comparison is the root of jealousy--someone else has what we don't. This messes with our contentment. Instead of gratitude for what we've been given, we feel somehow cheated. This soon spreads throughout our being making everything we do have fade as we focus on what someone else has that we don't.
When we have a heart at peace--a heart grateful for and focused on the blessings we have--jealousy gives way to contentment. But--how hard that is for us to achieve, let alone our children. Two questions can help.
What do they have that you want? Jealousy can be nebulous. Focus your child's thoughts--"What do they have that you want?"
How would getting this make your life better? This transitions their focus from the object to what they hope to achieve--opening possibilities.
If son wants the red truck to transport his troops, perhaps you can help him find an even more suitable vehicle. Young children especially struggle with seeing beyond the immediate. He needs transport. Sister picks up red truck--obviously the perfect transport. The more she enjoys playing with it, the more perfect the truck becomes.
When you ask how the truck makes his life better and he responds that it would move his troops, you can then ask if he sees any better trucks--bigger ones, faster ones, more camouflaged ones. This trains him to see options for getting what he wants without taking what someone else has.
For other children this question forces them to consider why a particular item or experience has become paramount. Are they seeking to feel included? This opens the subject of where they find their security. Are they seeking to feel superior--this opens a discussion of pride. Are they seeking to be like someone else--this opens a discussion of their unique value to the kingdom. As you help them focus on how this would make life better, you get at the heart issues which you can then address through scripture.
Ultimately, our hearts are at peace only when we are in line with God's word and resting in His security. Jealousy simply points to areas of our hearts not quite there yet and gives parents and children an opportunity to explore how we need to yield to Jesus in a specific part of our heart. When your children struggle with jealousy, thank God. Thank God for the chance to help them see their need for a Savior and learn to yield to Him in the everyday events--even in the fight over the red fire truck.
Tess Worrell writes and speaks to groups regarding issues of family life. She and husband, Mike Worrell, live in Madison, Indiana where they are in their 14th year of home schooling. She would love to hear your insights--comment here or email her at tess@YourFamilyMatterstous.com. If you are interested in bringing Tess to your home school or church group, learn more about her speaking at YourFamilyMatterstous.com.
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