The House of Mourning--Taking It To Heart

"It is better to go to a house of mourning

Than to go to a house of feasting,

 Because that [death] is the end of every man,

And the living takes it to heart."

Ecclesiastes 7:2

This week my husband went literally to a house of mourning, and though our schedule did not permit me to be there with him physically, I, too, was there in my heart.  He watched them bury his forty-nine-year-old cousin--a husband and father of three.  The new year had begun with a new job, but after only a week at the new job, the man entered the hospital, and by the end of ten weeks, after two liver transplants, he departed this earth.  That was it.  His life is finished.

The living takes it to heart.

What if that were I?  What if that were you?  What would be left unfinished?  When we breathe our last breaths, would there be something we'd regret not doing?

The living takes it to heart.

I'm sure he never intended to die at forty-nine.  We all tend to think we've got plenty of time.  The day before the house of mourning, we had 'feasted' with my father-in-law, who was celebrating his eightieth birthday, and who had just come victoriously through heart surgery.  When the future stretches out before us like a road we can't see the end of, we can be lulled into a false sense of eternal life on this earth.  With the end not clearly visible on our horizon, we are tempted to let go of the urgency of living intentionally.  

Living as if we've got all the time in the world, our theoretical priorities of ideals don't translate into actual priorities of time.  The pressing, yet often not so significant, becomes our master instead.  Unintentionally, we give up living intentionally. 

. . .But the living takes it to heart. . .

Our children will not be young forever.

Neither will any of us live forever, on this earth.

What must change, so that we live intentionally, and with no regrets?

Homeschooling with her husband, Scott, since 2001, Carol believes nothing is too difficult for God.  She is a passionate encourager and loves using creative means--including writing music, speaking, and blogging--to encourage others to trust God through all the adventures He calls them to.  You can read more from her at her Unsmotherable Delight blog (udelight.blogspot.com), where you'll find faith-filled original songs, favorite scriptures, family stories, and even a little film about adoption, all designed to inspire and lift your spirit.  Her 'theme song' titled Captain's Anthem can be heard on Vimeo at http://vimeo.com/30769152.

Focus for the Steps

“In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.” Proverbs 16:9

Fresh from the convention—renewed by speakers, encouraged by fellow home schoolers, inspired for next year—we find planning our course easy. That’s good.

God desires us to plan. God desires our excitement and hope for next year. God desires our renewal.

He just doesn’t want us to leave Him in the dust. So, He takes charge of our steps.

Sometimes, He may even cause our steps to stumble. He may keep the curriculum from being all we anticipated. He may complicate the scheduling. He may throw in a childish meltdown. Sometimes it might even be the actual children who melt down. He doesn’t do this to exasperate us, to cause us to doubt home schooling, or to thwart our efforts. He does this to remind us. To remind us that He determines the steps.

God wants us absolutely dependent on Him for every moment of our home schooling. He wants us to be guided by Him as we guide our children. He wants the course we plan to be focused on Him—not the daily assignments or the test scores. So, He directs the steps.

Be renewed. Be encouraged. Be inspired.

Also, be focused—on the One who will direct every step.

Tess Worrell writes and speaks to groups regarding issues of family life. She and husband, Mike Worrell, live in Madison, Indiana, where they are in their 14th year of home schooling. She would love to hear your insights. Comment here or email her at tess@YourFamilyMatterstous.com. If you are interested in bringing Tess to your home school or church group, learn more about her speaking at YourFamilyMatterstous.com.

The Sweet Spot

"Are your children always like this?" asked the pastor of the church a family was visiting.

Mom glanced at her brood--sitting perfectly straight in the chairs, talking in whispers. "Not a chance!"

"Good. For a minute I was worried you wouldn't fit in here."

Why wouldn't well-behaved children fit his church? What was his target?

As Christians, especially home schooling Christians, we target the sweet spot.

Too many home schoolers struggle because we live in paralyzing fear that every one else found the magic formula for turning out perfect children while we raise children who argue, disobey, and fight over pencils instead of doing their math. We need to see that other families struggle, too. Other families' children talk back. Other families' children blatantly disregard a direct instruction. Other families' children fight over pencils.

We need to target being real--about our struggles, our confusion, our moments when life actually works. As we walk with Jesus--we admit the walk includes both struggle and joy.

Perhaps the pastor wanted this. Perhaps he wanted to know this new family wouldn't present some false standard to intimidate others. Wouldn't hide their true selves behind a facade of perfection that discouraged and kept others distant.

On the other hand, too many home schoolers struggle because we have simply given up. We came to the realization that discipling kids is a 24/7 job and we simply don't have it. We target mediocrity. We settle for checking off books read and math pages completed as our children tear through the house unchecked, undisciplined, unkind. We ignore the standard set forth in scripture as unrealistic, inapplicable.

Perhaps the pastor wanted this. Perhaps, his flock, content ignoring biblical standards for family, wanted to ensure some family who targeted these standards didn't rock the boat. Too many churches settle for mediocrity in family life. So do too many home schoolers.

Where's the sweet spot?

We need to target the spot between false perfection and mediocrity. Like Paul, brutally honest in his own struggle, we need to forget what is behind and strain forward for what is ahead. We need to take hold of the life for which Jesus took hold of us--and our children. We target raising our children to be like Jesus. Self-controlled, kind, gentle, forgiving, self-sacrificing, hard working, courageous, real. None of this comes naturally. And home schooling won't save us. Only Jesus will save us. He simply uses the home schooling as one of His tools.

When they throw the math book in frustration, we teach self-control. When they refuse to come when we call, we teach self-sacrifice. When they steal the pencil, we teach kindness. Everything we teach WILL be a struggle because our parenting has been cursed. But, that doesn't mean we accept the status quo. We take out Parenting with Scripture by Kara Durbin, look up the current sin, then apply the biblical truth. We call a friend to ask what she does when her children act this way. We get on our knees and ask God moment by moment to guide us in guiding our children.

As we shoot for the sweet spot, come to a place where we sit in a pew with children in tow and offer, "No, they aren't always like this. But, we're trying."

Tess Worrell writes and speaks to groups regarding issues of family life. She and husband, Mike Worrell, live in Madison, Indiana, where they are in their 14th year of home schooling. She would love to hear your insights. Comment here or email her at tess@YourFamilyMatterstous.com. If you are interested in bringing Tess to your home school or church group, learn more about her speaking at YourFamilyMatterstous.com.

Of Pots and Symphonies

“Where in the world. . .” I frantically searched the cupboards, the dishwasher, the kitchen counters. Where in the world were my pots? Behind schedule as usual, I just needed a pot to steam the veggies for a quick dinner before heading the family out the door. I didn’t have time for this!

“Kids!” I call up the stairs, “Where are my pots?” No answer. I improvise, get everyone to the table, and we make our engagement barely on time.

Later, as I head up the stairs to tuck my youngest in bed, I hear a rhythmic beat. Sure enough, she’s sitting in the middle of her bed using the chop sticks she brought home from a rare treat at a Chinese restaurant to beat the entire collection of Mama’s pots. Turns out she’s got quite a rhythm. I had to laugh. I enjoyed front row seat to the hottest new drummer in our neck of the woods.

It could have been so different. If I had found the pots in my moment of frustration, how would I have reacted? Would I have scolded in frustration—angry that she put me behind schedule by taking the pots? Would I have taken the time to sit and listen or only grab and grumble?

Had I scolded, what would I have taught her?

As she gathered the pots, I imagine she already had visions of the beautiful music she would create. I can practically see the plan forming in her head. “Hey, these would make great drumsticks. What can I use? . . .Mom’s pots!” How long did it take for her to carry them up the stairs? How did it feel as she created a beat in her head then pounded it on the pots discovering the ting, the echo, the music inside her?

What if I had entered the room at that moment? “What are you doing with my pots?! I don’t have time for this! Get these back to the kitchen right now!” I can hear my words and the tone. Would she have ever dared explore again?

Thankfully, God kept me from discovering the pots until I was in a frame of mind to hear well. To encourage and receive. To affirm her blossoming spirit and creative juices. We did have a conversation on how I would appreciate her asking the next time she needed to borrow the pots, but oh how different that conversation sounded than the one I imagine might have taken place in the midst of frustration.

God commands us to always be gentle, kind, self-controlled. Thank you, God, for controlling timing so that I was able to keep your command and enjoy the symphony of my daughter’s heart.

Tess Worrell writes and speaks to groups regarding issues of family life. She and husband, Mike Worrell, live in Madison, Indiana where they are in their 14th year of home schooling. She would love to hear your insights--comment here or email her at tess@YourFamilyMatterstous.com. If you are interested in bringing Tess to your home school or church group, learn more about her speaking at YourFamilyMatterstous.com.

Rotten Bones Not On The Menu

Thanks to Tess for Red Trucks and Rotten Bones.  How very true!  Jealousy and discontent can kill your joy in a flash.  Yet gratitude and contentment can restore it.


A year or so ago, our son wrote about how God worked in his heart on just such a theme. (The background is that, at the time of writing, he had recently gotten over his allergy to eggs, but he is still, to this day, allergic to milk, peanuts, and tree nuts.  We generally take food along for him wherever we go, so that he has something safe to eat.)  Allow me to crack open a window into his thoughts... 


After a family outing with our cousins to the Creation Museum, we stopped on the way home at Cracker Barrel.  At the table, I was feeling like I had the raw end of the deal, because everyone else had what I thought was really good food--pancakes, fish, salads, biscuits, and french toast, while I, as usual, had my own food, this time just a home-made turkey sandwich with real mayo (the kind with eggs).  All of a sudden it hit me that the Lord had graciously allowed me to eat eggs now, and what was I dwelling on?  The things I couldn't eat!  I remembered my sister, Megan, telling me once that you can't be truly happy unless you're content.  So I thanked the Lord that I could eat eggs, and decided to be content.  After that, I could enjoy our time together at Cracker Barrel--and my food.


Contentment is truly a moment by moment choice we can learn to make.  It will involve establishing priorities for what we will value.  (Tess offered two very helpful questions for addressing the heart of this issue.)  In Christ, we are given so much, and it's of eternal value, besides.  When we and our children learn, as Paul taught Timothy, to "pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, perseverance and gentleness", we can understand how Paul could counsel Timothy that, "godliness actually is a means of great gain, when accompanied by contentment."
(I Timothy 6:11 & 6:6)


When we know what to value, turning our focus, then, from what we don't have to what we do have really does make all the difference.  The Apostle Paul's encouragement to rejoice, when he himself was imprisoned for his commitment to Christ, has always been a challenge to me.  He said he'd learned to be content in whatever circumstances he was in, and I believe he reveals some of that secret in the same chapter (Philippians 4).  Rejoice in the Lord, he says, pray about everything with thanksgiving, and think about the true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, of good repute, excellent, and worthy of praise.  If that's not a recipe for contentment, I don't know what is.

"A cheerful heart has a continual feast."

Proverbs 15:15

Got to go--I think I hear the dinner bell calling!

Homeschooling with her husband, Scott, since 2001, Carol believes nothing is too difficult for God. She is a passionate encourager and loves using creative means--including writing music, speaking, and blogging--to encourage others to trust God through all the adventures He calls them to.  You can read more from her at her Unsmotherable Delight blog (udelight.blogspot.com), where you'll find faith-filled original songs, favorite scriptures, family stories, and even a little film about adoption, all designed to inspire and lift your spirit.  Her 'theme song', titled Captain's Anthem, can also be heard on Vimeo at http://vimeo.com/30769152.

Scripture quotations taken from the NASB.

Red Trucks and Rotten Bones

"A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones." Proverbs 14:10.

Do your children ever struggle with jealousy? Do siblings battle over who gets the red fire truck? Complain about how big a piece of pie someone else received? Grumble because a friend was invited to a party they weren't?

Jealousy. It spoils events, clouds perspective, rots the bones.

How do we help our children get past jealousy? A contented heart.

Comparison is the root of jealousy--someone else has what we don't. This messes with our contentment. Instead of gratitude for what we've been given, we feel somehow cheated. This soon spreads throughout our being making everything we do have fade as we focus on what someone else has that we don't.

When we have a heart at peace--a heart grateful for and focused on the blessings we have--jealousy gives way to contentment. But--how hard that is for us to achieve, let alone our children. Two questions can help.

What do they have that you want? Jealousy can be nebulous. Focus your child's thoughts--"What do they have that you want?"

How would getting this make your life better? This transitions their focus from the object to what they hope to achieve--opening possibilities.

If son wants the red truck to transport his troops, perhaps you can help him find an even more suitable vehicle. Young children especially struggle with seeing beyond the immediate. He needs transport. Sister picks up red truck--obviously the perfect transport. The more she enjoys playing with it, the more perfect the truck becomes.

When you ask how the truck makes his life better and he responds that it would move his troops, you can then ask if he sees any better trucks--bigger ones, faster ones, more camouflaged ones. This trains him to see options for getting what he wants without taking what someone else has.

For other children this question forces them to consider why a particular item or experience has become paramount. Are they seeking to feel included? This opens the subject of where they find their security. Are they seeking to feel superior--this opens a discussion of pride. Are they seeking to be like someone else--this opens a discussion of their unique value to the kingdom. As you help them focus on how this would make life better, you get at the heart issues which you can then address through scripture.

Ultimately, our hearts are at peace only when we are in line with God's word and resting in His security. Jealousy simply points to areas of our hearts not quite there yet and gives parents and children an opportunity to explore how we need to yield to Jesus in a specific part of our heart. When your children struggle with jealousy, thank God. Thank God for the chance to help them see their need for a Savior and learn to yield to Him in the everyday events--even in the fight over the red fire truck.

Tess Worrell writes and speaks to groups regarding issues of family life. She and husband, Mike Worrell, live in Madison, Indiana where they are in their 14th year of home schooling. She would love to hear your insights--comment here or email her at tess@YourFamilyMatterstous.com. If you are interested in bringing Tess to your home school or church group, learn more about her speaking at YourFamilyMatterstous.com.

Are you planning to attend the IAHE Homeschool Convention?

It's that time of year again! Homeschool conventions are plentiful in the spring. As we look forward to the IAHE convention at the end of March it seems appropriate to share with you a blog post that I wrote last year. 


Happy reading!

~~~

I love and adore homeschool conventions!

Books, books everywhere. Wave after wave of vendor booths full of educational materials in abundance. Being engulfed in a sea of like-minded people. Ahhhhh... it's so refreshing and encouraging. But there is a growing undercurrent in our homeschool community and (in many others) that troubles me.

Once upon a time, in 2001 when we first thought about pulling our daughter from the public school system I began researching homeschooling on the internet. I stumbled upon information regarding a convention in our state capitol... Indianapolis. So before we ever began a single day of homeschooling, I was blessed to attend a two day convention where I was encouraged and equipped! What a gift. In all the years since, the Indiana convention has proven to be a lifesaver, always offering the very best in edifying speakers and workshop.

The Indiana convention is hosted by the non-profit ministry, the Indiana Association of Home Educators (IAHE). The annual convention provides the only source of revenue for this volunteer organization, and it is THIS organization that represents us as homeschoolers to our state legislators. The IAHE publishes a free educational magazine to homeschoolers throughout the year. They also have 16 regional representatives, homeschooling couples who are ready to help new homeschool families get connected to local support groups and answer questions as they begin their own homeschooling voyage. They also fight year round for our basic freedom as parents to homeschool our children.

Our neighboring states of Ohio and Kentucky have similar organizations. Each organization offers a yearly homeschool convention which then provides the financial means to keep their ministries afloat throughout the year. Each of these three organizations and numerous others across our country are facing a challenge today.
In recent years, for-profit mega-conventions are beginning to pop up and drain the resources out of the state conventions. They may appear the same on the outside, they may even showcase a lot of the same speakers and vendors... but they don't provide the same support and they don't hold to the same vision.

Chancellor of Patrick Henry College and Home School Legal Defense Association Chairman Michael Farris says, "They come into a state, run a big convention and they encourage homeschoolers, but they aren't helping organize the homeschooling movement in a way that helps the states. We see some state organizations struggling as a result of these businesses."
[http://www.bpnews.net/bpnews.asp?ID=34699]

I have been very blessed over the years to attend numerous conventions, both as a homeschool parent and as a vendor for some of our family's favorite homeschool curriculum. I've attended big and small conventions, in total I've been to 15 conventions in 10 years. I'll attend 3 more this year as well. (Yes, you may call me a convention junkie if you would like.)

But there is a danger in the homeschooling community when we withdraw support from our own state's organization to support a mega-convention. We are punching holes in the bottom of our own lifeboats to support businesses that don't fight for our rights to homeschool.

I LOVE a great convention... and I'm grateful that I am surrounded by so many choices. But when given a choice, I will always to choose to support an organization that reciprocates and supports my family's right to homeschool.
Yes, I'm attending 3 conventions in 2011... but I'll be spending my money in Indianapolis.

~~~

Tara Bentley and her husband Mark have been homeschooling since 2001. Tara blogs about Homeschooling Hoosier style at Ramblings of the Blonde Mother Bear and serves as a curriclum reviewer for The Old Schoolhouse Magazine as a part of their Homeschool Crew. Mark and Tara are also the new IAHE Regional Reps for their area.


For details about this year's IAHE Convention visit our website.

Loving for Life

What’s the most important lesson you taught this week? Did your daughter finally conquer those multiplication tables? Did your son learn all 50 state capitals? Did you by chance teach your children how to love their spouse for life?

As I sprinted through this week—trying to keep up with multiple children in multiple grades, the house, a few writing assignments, and a sick dog—I found myself on auto-pilot, barely looking up from my to-do list. About Wednesday, as I dashed out the door to get a child to an appointment, I realized I failed to kiss my husband good-bye. Guiltily, I paused to consider how I had been treating him over the past week.

Did he feel top priority in my life? Had I used my days to affirm him, to show interest in his interests, to do him good and not harm? (Proverbs 31:12) Had my example given my daughters an understanding of how to nourish their own marriages during busy times? Had my sons developed healthy expectations regarding their wives from my treatment of their dad?

Even if I completed every item on my to-do list with absolute perfection, would it mean anything if my husband felt neglected? If my children learned that tasks trump people?

Wednesday night I got on my knees and asked my Lord to yet again save me from being so busy with books that I fail to do my real job—ministering to the people. I asked for wisdom in how to be the bride my husband needs every day. I made the commitment to:

• Kiss him every time I leave
• Reserve the first ten minutes he’s home to take him aside and find out about his day, his needs
• Ensure his priorities for our school are carried out
• Monitor the tone I use when speaking of my husband—is it honoring, loving, not impatient or frustrated

I asked God to use the dayliness of each day to help me teach my children one of the most important lessons of all—how to love their spouse for life.

Tess and Mike Worrell enjoy discipling their eight children and are in their 14^th year of home schooling. Tess also writes and speaks to various groups on issues of marriage, parenting, and living as a Godly woman. Tess would love to hear your input. You can contact her at tess@yourfamilymatterstous.com or visit her website: YourFamilyMatterstous.com.

The Invisible Work

"For I am confident of this very thing, 

that He who began a good work in you

will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus."

Philippians 1:6

October 31, 1992, we moved into our first house.  The frost had already come and the previous owner had graciously cleaned up the then essentially empty flower beds.  Before long, winter came and blanketed it all in snow.

Then one day it happened.  Spring weather came, and all over the landscape beds, flowers and plants of all kinds started popping up everywhere.  I couldn't understand it.  I had planted nothing.  Where was all this coming from?

Such was my introduction to perennial gardening.  What had looked like just a barren piece of ground virtually came alive when the time was right.  I was in awe.  Each day I just had to go out and inspect things to see what the next surprise would be.  I began pouring over books, trying to identify what was growing in my yard.  I was hooked.  And I would never be the same.

Twenty years later, the arrival of the perennial spring growing things still calls me to wonder and awe before the Creator who engineered it all.  And each spring I am reminded of a wonderfully reassuring truth.  Even though there are times when things may look like nothing good is happening on the surface, like all is dead, like no progress is being made, like there isn't any hope anymore, what we see is not all there is.  God is ever and always at work, behind the scenes, in ways we could never even imagine, carefully orchestrating His perfect plan.  Then, when the time is right, He shows us what He's been working on.

Maybe there is a situation in your home or your school circumstances that you have begun to despair about.  Perhaps it seems things have come to a standstill where you really need to see some progress.  Is there something you are tempted to lose hope about?

"I would have despaired

unless I had believed I would see the goodness of the LORD

in the land of the living.

Wait for the LORD;

Be strong and let your heart take courage;

Yes, wait for the LORD."

Psalm 27:14-15

Our gracious God is reminding us this season that He is at work even when it may look to us like nothing is happening.  When you see these spring growing things, remember that He is at work in your very own household as well.  What seems to us to be a permanent plateau in a child's learning or character development may actually be the time of God's invisible work.

When the time is right, we'll get to see what He's been working on.  Until then,

"Let us not lose heart in doing good,

for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary." 

Galatians 6:9


Scripture quotations taken from the NASB.