The Valentine Challenge

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." Matthew 22:37.

What is your prime goal for your schooling efforts? Is it to protect your children from the influences of the world? Is it to offer prime education so they can score huge scholarships for college? Is it to train them to follow God?

If the first two are your prime concerns--those are great, but you can skip this column. Look for later blogs.

If your top priority is to train your children to follow God--to love Him with all their heart, soul, and mind, then I have a challenge for you. Jesus knew that His followers could not love Him with all their hearts unless they first experienced Him loving them. So, Jesus came in flesh to live with His people. To eat with them, talk with them, teach them as they went through the day. He lived life alongside His followers to give them a daily experience of His love. In doing this He trained them to love Him back.

That sounds a lot like home schooling, doesn't it? We live each day alongside our children to teach them of God's love so they can love Him back.

Now, I don't know about you--but I sometimes lose track of this priority in the Algebra homework, the multiplication tables, and the phonics cards. I get so focused on the books, I lose focus on the opportunities to show love. Here's the challenge--take the next month to focus on showing love to your spouse and children.

Using the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman focus during February on intentionally filling the love tank of every person in your home. Most people know the love languages: physical touch, words of affirmation, time, gifts, and acts of service. People generally like receiving all these—but individuals are wired so that only one really speaks love to them. Your son may enjoy getting gifts or having you rub his back, but when you make his lunch for school—that’s when he feels loved. The others are nice; the act of service convinces him you really love him.

On the other hand your husband is perfectly capable of making his lunch and barely notices when you do it for him. It’s convenient, but not necessary. Yet, the note you put in his lunch saying how grateful you are to have him in your life—that makes his day. Your words of affirmation assure him that he matters to you.

Yet, knowing the love language for each person, especially when they seem to enjoy anything you do—or when nothing you do seems to make a difference, that can be hard. That’s where February can help. The Valentine Challenge.

• Mondays—every Monday, write a note to each person in your home specifically listing one trait, habit, or act they do that you truly appreciate. Leave it on their pillow, in their lunch box, or tuck it into their pocket. At minimum, each person in your family will have a moment of affirmation that brightens their day. For someone—that moment will add to their love tank.

• Tuesdays—surprise each person in the family with some object you know will speak to them. Don’t worry about huge. Just give a tangible object you know will be meaningful to that person—an addition to a collection, a new barrette, a special snack.

• Wednesdays—choose one task you can do for each person in your family and surprise them with a fait accompli. Perhaps you take the trash cans to the curb for your son or wash your spouse’s car. Choose something you can finish and which they will notice.

• Thursdays—focus on the physical affection you show each person in the family. Small children get surplus physical affection from simply being carried and sitting on your lap. But, it’s easy to slide away from hugs for teens or kissing spouse as they return home. Purposely set out to hug, kiss, rub the back, or pat on the shoulder of each person in your house—warmly and with genuine affection.

• Fridays—set aside one-on-one time with each person in your family. Whether you take a child out for a soda, go into their bedroom at night for a chat, or plan a date with your spouse—invest intentional one-on-one time.

As you go through the month--note which days each person shines. This indicates you hit their love language--they truly experienced being loved. As they grow in confidence of your love--you also build confidence in God's love. As your home becomes a place rooted in expressing God's love to each other--your home becomes a training ground for everyone learning to love God back.

Tess Worrell is married to Mike Worrell and together they enjoy discipling their eight children. They are in their 14^th year of home schooling. Tess also writes and speaks to various groups on issues of marriage, parenting, and living as a Godly woman. Tess would love to hear your input. You can contact her at tess@yourfamilymatterstous.com or visit her website: YourFamilyMatterstous.com.