Become a Dream Builder

Are you a dream killer or a dream builder?

Parents tend to fall into one of the two categories. Dream killers listen to their child's dream, then point out every obstacle, every reason the dream will fail. Dream builders listen to their child's dream, then find ways to nurture the dream and help their child succeed. Challenge for the summer--help your child build one dream.

Alan Scott offers a prime example of a dream-building dad. His son, Hunter, chose a near-impossible dream. As a history project for school, Hunter interviewed a sailor who survived the sinking of the U.S.S. Indianapolis. Becoming enthralled with the stories of heroism and courage he heard, Hunter was devastated to learn the Captain of the ship, Charles McVay III, had been court-martialed to cover for a variety of military mistakes. Hunter determined to use his history project to overturn the verdict and restore Captain McVay's good name.

Mr. Scott could have pointed out that the court martial occurred 41 years before, that Hunter's  eleven years of experience were no match for the United States Navy, that McVay's death rendered clearing his name irrelevant. Instead, Mr. Scott chose to be a dream builder.

He drove Hunter to interviews and libraries for his  research, comforted Hunter when his project was disqualified on a minor technicality from the national competition that would have brought attention to the issue, and supported Hunter at every stage of preparing and presenting his research.

The result? Captain McVay's name now stands clear of any wrongdoing.

God has designed each of our children for a unique purpose--placing in them a passion to pursue this purpose. As home schooling parents, we have amazing opportunities to nurture the dream God has placed in our children's souls. How do we do this?

Listen. When we intentionally listen to our children, their dreams come through. Rather than immediately focusing on the obstacles, simply listen to what they want to do and why. Seek to understand their motives. Ask what they hope to accomplish. Not every dream will be as philanthropic as Hunter's, but they still reflect the passions of our child's design. 

One summer our eleven-year-old-son asked to make a back-yard movie with friends. Certainly this dream doesn't compare to the selfless sacrifice of Hunter on behalf of another, but son was passionate about trying. We listened. Today, that son has made documentaries all over the world. The direction for his life now began with a young dream.

Equip children to pursue their dream. Help them focus the dream and break the process for pursuing into manageable steps. Rather than taking over and doing for our children, help children discern how they can put muscle and energy into their dream. This serves double duty--the process trains our children in the hard work of following God's direction and helps them know if they are pursuing a true dream or a passing fancy.

Some aspects we will have to do. Hunter couldn't drive, so dad had to. But, Hunter set up the interviews, read the notes, wrote the paper, created the display. For our son, we bought the food, supplied the camera, and set up tents in the backyard for friends to sleep over the week of filming. But, son wrote the script, planned the filming schedule, directed the players, and edited the hours of film into a final story.

Finding the balance between equipping and taking over challenges most parents. Being a dream builder doesn't come naturally--we're often too pragmatic, too concerned with protecting our children from failure, too worried that our child's missteps will reflect poorly on us. But, investing in our children's dreams is worth it. When we listen to the passions of our child's heart and spend our time and resources to encourage the exploration of those, we communicate in a myriad of ways, "You matter."

So, over the course of the next few weeks, listen to the desires of your children, then ask them which of these desires they would like to achieve before school starts--or at least begin pursuing. What better investment of summer? Build on the passion God has placed in you child; connect with your child at his deepest heart level; become a dream builder.


Tess Worrell writes and speaks to groups regarding issues of family life and living as a Godly woman. She and husband, Mike Worrell, live in Madison, Indiana, where they are in their 14th year of home schooling. She would love to hear your insights. Comment here or email her at tess@YourFamilyMatterstous.com. If you would like Tess to speak to your home school or church group, you can learn more about her speaking at YourFamilyMatterstous.com.

When Stepping Out in Faith Doesn't "Work"

"I thought if I was doing God's will, everything would work out," a young woman said as she related a health crisis her family faced. Though she had done everything "right," the prospects looked grim. More than the fear of what might happen physically, she struggled with a sense of betrayal by God. "I'm following God. Why isn't this working out?"

How often does this describe us? We step out in faith, but do we step out to follow God's plan--or to get our own?

We began home schooling because our son had extreme sensory integration disorder, a condition in the autism spectrum. It took a lot for God to convince me His answer to son's struggles in school was for us to home school, but once He did I fully embraced the call.

The first week was heaven. Surely, this home schooling thing was the answer to our prayers--our son's life would now go smoothly.

Then, we got to the second week.

By month three I was a mess. All too often, I cried out loud, "I thought if I was doing God's will everything would work!" The same problems that challenged our son were still part of him. Home schooling wasn't a panacea removing all obstacles. It was the process God used to work through the obstacles.

I think it works the same with faith. Stepping out in faith to follow God's will isn't some magic ritual we use to get what we need from God. Following God's will, at its heart, means we put our agendas aside to serve His agenda. His agenda for Elijah was to sit by a creek for months with only ravens for company. His agenda for Daniel was to spend an entire life in a foreign country serving pagan kings. His agenda for Paul included beatings, ship wrecks, imprisonment, and martyrdom.

I can imagine each saying, "God, I'm doing Your will--why isn't this working?" Yet, what would our faith be if Elijah went home to a feast, if Nebuchadnezzar sent Daniel home to his family and he never met Darius or faced lions, or if Paul had an easy road for evangelism?

So often I've interpreted that straight path of Proverbs 3:6 to mean "everything will go well for me." While God's blessings flow through every day, I think this interpretation sets us up for disappointment when everything doesn't go well. We feel betrayed.

Reading accounts of the faithful from scripture convinces me  that God isn't necessarily promising that it will--at least in this life. So often, our struggles and how we walk with God in them is the witness we offer for others. So often it's the process God uses to heat up our lives and boil the underlying sin to the surface so He can remove it. So often those struggles bring us to a place we never desired but which becomes a destiny so much better than the one we sought.

I pray that for all those feeling betrayed because they stepped out in faith and "it's not working." I pray that you will find the road may not be as smooth as you anticipated, but that God is with you and is using you for His perfect plan.



Tess Worrell writes and speaks to groups regarding issues of family life and living as a Godly woman. She and husband, Mike Worrell, live in Madison, Indiana, where they are in their 14th year of home schooling. She would love to hear your insights. Comment here or email her at tess@YourFamilyMatterstous.com. If you would like Tess to speak to your home school or church group, you can learn more about her speaking at YourFamilyMatterstous.com.

Bird Mother Philosophy: Part II

My family and I recently had the opportunity to view the film IndoctriNation.  Wow!  I highly recommend it.  What a compelling telling of where a system of education ends up when it’s filled with unbiblical influences.   IndoctriNation issues a clear call to flee a godless system.

But we’re already homeschooling.   So our watching the film was just more preaching to the choir, right?

Wait!  Not so fast.  If we think we already get it, and we're sure we’re already doing what we need to do, I wonder if we’ve actually missed the point of IndoctriNation altogether.

“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.”  (Proverbs 9:10)  If we’re going to live as God’s people, then His Word must, of course, be our starting point.

“This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it; for then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have success.”  (Joshua 1:8)  If we’re going to live as God’s people, then His Word and His ways must be not only our starting point, but also the very heart of all we do.

“Thus says the LORD, who created the heavens . . . ‘I am the LORD, and there is none else  . . . I am God and there is no other.’”  (Isaiah 45:18, 22b)  If we’re going to live as God’s people, in addition to being our starting point and the heart of all we do, His Word must also be our final word—our final authority.

His Word, then, should not be just the start to our days, not simply a jumping off point for our life strategy, and not merely the directional sign pointing us in the direction of home education—after which we seek out many other perspectives and voices.  Instead, His Word must remain the permeating and directing influence for all we do.

Have you ever thought about what that means for your homeschool educational philosophy?

What is your educational philosophy?  We all have one, whether we realize it or not.  We live by one, whether we’ve actually articulated it or not.  What has shaped it?  Do you know where the foundational ideas for your teaching methods and strategies came from?  (Not just where your initial idea to homeschool came from.)  Do you know whom you are following, even perhaps unwittingly, in your methods?

If we are going to live as God’s people, as we evaluate to whom we will listen regarding education, we must measure everything we hear by God’s Word.  If the messages or ideas are not consistent with what God already has revealed in His Word, they should not shape our ways—no matter how revered the sources may be.  And no matter how high or polished are the pedestals that fellow educators have built for those ideas.

On the other hand, if, and only if, an idea is consistent with God’s Word, then the source might actually be offering something worthy of further consideration.  But the only way to know what’s worthy of our consideration is to know God’s Word first.

Last time, I wrote about The Bird Mother Philosophy.  Before I say any more about it, though, I invite you to first take some time to consider your own working educational philosophy.  Think about who or what has influenced the way you think about and practice home education.  Do a little digging to find out who or what, in turn, shaped them, and to uncover what their ideas rest upon . . . a background check of sorts. . . and see what you discover.  I'm doing the same.

God’s opinion of the world’s wisdom, coming from those who do not worship Him, is not exactly high.  “ . . . They have no knowledge, who carry about their wooden idol, and pray to a god who cannot save.”  (Isaiah 45:20b)

Ultimately, if we are going to live as God’s people, the only foundation we have any business building on is God alone.

Homeschooling with her husband, Scott, since 2001, Carol believes nothing is too difficult for God.  She is a passionate encourager and loves using creative means--including writing music, speaking, and blogging--to encourage others to trust God through all the adventures He calls them to.  You can read more from her at her Unsmotherable Delight blog (udelight.blogspot.com), where you'll find faith-filled original songs, favorite scriptures, family stories, and even a little film about adoption, all designed to inspire and lift your spirit.  Her original 'theme song' titled Captain's Anthem can be heard on Vimeo at http://vimeo.com/30769152.


Scripture quotations taken from the NASB.

Team Player

Have you ever been in charge of something? A business. . .a committee. . .a bake sale.

What kind of people did you want on your team?

As I prepared to give the mission lesson for a recent Good News Club session, I worked hard to make the story come to life for the children. I worked on pacing, on facial expressions, on application questions. Only at the very end did I say, "God, I hope that works."

Then, it dawned on me. Not once had I asked, "Lord, what to You want me to do?" I genuinely wanted to please God, to make His work in the world real to the children, and to draw them to Him. But, I never asked His plan for that. I just assumed that, as I went through my preparation, He would morph whatever I did into His will.

I've been in charge of groups where there were members like that. They hear the goal and start off with their own thoughts on how to bring the goal to fruition. Great ideas. Huge enthusiasm. But, nowhere near my plan. They had no understanding of how their ideas clashed with the plan, brought confusion, ignored real considerations. Because they hadn't taken time to listen to the plan--they were hindrances rather than helps.

I've also been responsible for groups where members listened intently to the plan. They asked what I needed from them and did it to perfection with grace and enthusiasm. When they offered input, it was informed by the overall strategy and added needed insights and depth. I love working with such people.

I think God does as well.

Every endeavor is God's. He has a plan for it. Our home schooling, our family life, our ministry at the church, our jobs--all these were given by God to use in His overall plan to bring people into His kingdom. I forget sometimes that I'm a player on His team. Instead, I treat these endeavors as responsibilities given to me and take over creating the plan. I become the person heading off with my own ideas--enthusiastic and happy--but nowhere near what God had in mind.

That day, I came to the realization that, whatever I'm doing, I'm on God's team. My most important role is to first ask what He wants, then listen. As I do, I become someone God can count on to do His work His way.  A good team player.

Tess Worrell writes and speaks to groups regarding issues of family life and living as a Godly woman. She and husband, Mike Worrell, live in Madison, Indiana, where they are in their 14th year of home schooling. She would love to hear your insights. Comment here or email her at tess@YourFamilyMatterstous.com. If you would like Tess to speak to your home school or church group, you can learn more about her speaking at YourFamilyMatterstous.com.

Sanity Saver: The Reading Hour

Do you ever get a little overwhelmed by your children?

They aren't doing anything wrong--they are just busy. Very, very busy. I know, for me, there are moments the constant barrage of questions, requests, and chatter overload my mind--especially if it's already preoccupied by laundry, bills, and phone calls.

One day a seasoned mom shared one her best tips. The afternoon reading hour. Every afternoon everyone in her house took an hour to simply be still. Obviously, younger children used this as nap-time, but older children had to go to their rooms as well. They could read, draw, or rest. The only caveat was that they had to be in their room for one hour.

I remember thinking as she shared her secret, "We used to do this--why did I stop when we started home schooling?" She and I had the conversation just as summer break began, so it coincided perfectly with setting our pattern for the break. One night I asked the children their goals for summer so that we could create a schedule for accomplishing those. I then shared that we would also begin the habit of a one-hour reading time during the summer.

To my surprise--no one balked. By the end of the summer, the kids said that was one of their favorite parts of summer. Younger children benefited from extra rest during the day as our evenings chasing lightening bugs or picnicking stretched beyond bedtime. Older children loved a designated reading time where they could relax and read and also a little break from younger siblings. The time for my brain to rest paid huge dividends once reading hour concluded and the questions, requests, and chatter resumed.

Sanity-saver: institute a quiet hour for your family. The mid-day break keeps parents from being overwhelmed by the busyness of children and able to engage instead.